Parent Says "Kids are overrated and you don't have to do it"

Thanks to CFVixen for forwarding me this great (and humorous) article by a mom blogger who let's everyone in on a big secret (which really isn't a secret to the happily childfree) - having kids is overrated and you don't have to do it.

She explains that it is parental jealousy of our happy childfree lives that spurs many parents into a scornful rage, admonishing the childfree to hurry up and fulfill our duty to mankind.  In other words, misery loves company.  And there are so many more interesting and fulfilling things to do with your life.

Anyway, enjoy the read!

Click here

Reason #102 not to have kids

102. You will never have to post selfies of yourself in a crop top with a dopey duck-lip expression and vines on your head to teach your skanky daughter to stop doing it.

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Another study telling us what we already know

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Yet another study showing that parents are unhappier than people without kids.  This doesn't surprise me at all, but what does surprise me is how shocking this is to people.  Wow - you mean having kids is hard?  It's isolating?  It's depressing?  Why does this surprise people?  I have never had children, yet I am fully aware of these things by just observing everyone I know who has kids.

In this clip, Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, explains that the unhappiness caused by having a child can be worse than going through a divorce, losing a job or experiencing the death of a partner.  She explains this by pointing out that new parents are not given the same support as someone going through a divorce, job loss or death of a partner because a new parent is assumed to be "happy" and therefore left alone.

Some random thoughts:

• Isn't it telling that having a child is being compared to three of the worst things that can happen to a person, when in our culture parenthood is unreasonably and relentlessly promoted as the most rewarding, fulfilling, happy role a person can assume?


• To me, it seems reasonable to expect that people will rally to support a person who lost her job, went through a divorce or experienced the death of her partner.  Those are all terrible circumstances that befall a person and in most cases, are not circumstances a person happily chooses for herself.  On the other hand, having a child is a choice that people make happily and willingly, for all the benefits they perceive they will get from this choice.  It seems reasonable then, that the person who made this choice should handle the responsibilities she created without requiring a support network to prop her up.  Look at it this way:  If I happily choose to purchase a house, and am then unhappy about the financial sacrifice it entails, is it reasonable to expect a support system to rally around me to provide me with monetary contributions to help pay my mortgage?  I would argue no.  If I happily choose to go back to school, but am then unhappy with all of the time, money and effort I have to invest, is it reasonable to expect a network of people to rally around me and help me study for my tests, write my papers and pay my tuition?  Again, I would argue no.  On the other hand, if I lost my job, or my partner passed away, or I was going through a divorce, would it be reasonable to expect people to rally around me to support me and get me through a horrible time.  Yes, this seems reasonable to me.


• Community is a wonderful thing, and having a network of people who love and support each other is far too scarce in the world we live in today where everyone is holed up in isolation with their faces plastered to a screen.  I think all people - not just parents - would benefit from developing their social networks and doing more face-to-face interacting.  What I disagree with, though, is the notion that parents - people who happily choose and adopt their roles - and whose lifestyle is promoted ad nauseum as a puppies-and-rainbow utopia - are somehow equivalent in circumstance to those who have suffered great, traumatic losses in their lives.  If the argument is that parenthood is really a hell hole and these poor souls need to be propped up by an army of supporters just to get through the day, then the glorification of parenthood has to STOP right now. 

You can have your cake, or you can eat it, but you can't have it both ways.

Moms Missing Out

Here's an entertaining video posted by a mom who is lamenting all the things she misses now that she has kids.  Thankfully, there's no "but it's so worth it" backpedal at the end.  Be sure to read the comments below her video for lots of other moms chiming in and adding to the list.

My childfree friends, let it not escape us how similar their list of things they miss is to my list of the Top 100 Reasons Not to Have Kids.  See, there is actually some truth to the stuff I write ;)




Thank you to CFVixen for the forward.

More Annoying Parental Self-Congratulation

We've all seen these types of proclamations posted on Facebook, usually by wrung-out moms who need to constantly announce themselves as martyrs for the greater good of humanity so they can feel better about the parental prison sentence they are serving.

I couldn't resist when an old friend of mine posted this on Facebook.  My reply was, "I don't have kids and I put others before myself", to which she replied, "That is rare in this day and age!", which is true, but let's take a closer look at why it is true.  I would argue that being oriented around others is so rare today in large part because today's PARENTS - by virtue of adopting the notion that once a person has kids they become the center of the universe - have created a bunch of coddled, narcissistic entitled monsters who expect the corner office on their first day of work and who spend their days angling their IPhone for the perfect selfie and then staring down it all day long to see how many "likes" they get.

Of course, it stands to reason that only parents can put others before themselves.  How could someone like me - a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a colleague, a volunteer and a companion to 3 cats, even imagine putting someone before myself?  We all know that only parents know how to do this,whereas people like me are completely self-centered and spend not a single moment thinking of another person (insert sarcasm here).

The proclamation posted above does capture one thing correctly.  Parents must spend the rest of their lives putting that child before themselves, whereas a non-parent like me can simultaneously attend to the needs of others as well as to her own needs, without feeling resentment and without giving up her identity in the process.  Yes, I am a devoted wife, friend, daughter, etc., but not one of those roles defines me or imprisons me.  I don't have to neglect my own needs or put them on a shelf for 20 years because another being is sucking the life out of me.  I can have my cake and eat it too.

Imagine if a childfree woman posted self-congratulatory posts on Facebook about being childfree.  How do you think it would go over?  Can you imagine the response I would get if I posted something like:

The moment you decided not to have children, was the moment you chose to truly live life and contribute to the world in meaningful ways.

How many "likes" do you think I would get?

Of Course it's All Worth It!

Thanks, CFVixen, for the forward!

What I am Missing (Poor Me)

 

Ah, the "have it all" lifestyle.  How wistfully I read this article.  If only I had chosen a different path, I too could spend my days feeling like a failure at everything.  Poor pitiable me.  What was I thinking choosing the childfree life?

Friday Laughs

No Regrets

Thanks to CFVixen for the forward (as always).

Bitch and Backpedal (Revisited)

Childfreedom's Favorite Money-Saving Sites

UPDATE:  Double cash back today at Ebates for Cyber Monday!

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Let's be honest.  One of the great things about being childfree is having more time and disposible income to do fun things like dining out and shopping.  While our childed friends are draining their bank accounts to pay for diapers, day care and soccer lessons,  we CF folk get to enjoy dining out with our friends, going on adventures, travelling and enjoying some retail therapy.

However, just because I am childfree doesn't mean I am swimming in money!  I do have a mortgage and plenty of other bills to pay.  So I try to make my disposible income go as far as possible (so I can do as many fun things as possible).  I confess.  I am a little obsessive about getting discounts.

These are 3 of my favorite tried-and-true money-saving sites. I've been a member of each for a long time and I cannot even imagine how much money these sites have saved me over the years. I NEVER shop on-line without first going to Ebates and I look forward to receiving those quarterly checks in the mail.  If I am planning to dine out, I ALWAYS check restaurant.com to find a good restaurant.  And I am constantly checking Groupon to see what cool offers they have going on.

Ebates is a web site portal that links you to all the popular online shopping web sites....all the biggies are on there - Apple, JC Penney, Sephora, Best Buy, Half.com, Overstock.com, Ebay, Walmart, Staples, Target, most of the major airlines, etc. etc. etc. The list goes on for miles. When you access any of these companies' web sites via Ebates' web site and make an on-line purchase, a percentage of your purchase is refunded back to you in the form of a cash rebate. It's really silly to shop on-line without using Ebates. If you are going to make an on-line purchase, you might as well get a rebate for it (at least, that's my philosophy). There are no costs or fees to join and no paperwork to complete. The only thing you have to do is make sure (when you shop online) to access the store you are interested in via Ebates' web site first so that you will get the rebate.

(The participating companies give Ebates a commission for bringing them customers and part of that commission gets passed on to you in the form of the rebate.)

For example, right now Target's rebate is 3%, so if you visit Target's web site (via the Ebates site) and make a purchase, 3% of your purchase will be refunded back to you in the form of a rebate.

Rebates are accummulated in your Ebates account and rebate checks are issued quarterly by Ebates. I've been using Ebates for years and those quarterly checks come like clockwork in February, May, August and November - I am always happy to get those checks because the money goes straight into my travel savings account.

If you sign up using this link you will get a bonus - a $10 gift card to a store of your choice when you make you make your first qualifying purchase (and I will get a bonus too). If you ever shop-on line, this may be a service that will really benefit you.

By now, most have heard about Groupon. Groupon emails fantastic offers out to its members via email - or you can obtain the offers by visiting Groupon's web site. Most are half-off offers. For example, an offer may be something like, “$20 worth of pastries at LeCreme Bakery for $10” or “$50 fine dining at XYZ Restaurant for $25”. If you want to participate in an offer, you sign up for it and input your payment information. If enough people sign up for the offer, it is “on” and you get the coupon for the offer. If not enough people sign up, the offer is “off” and you will not be charged.

Groupon has offers in cities across the US as well as in Canada and other countries.

To sign up for Groupon, please use this referral link and they will reward me for referring you!  (and depending on the current promotion, they may reward you too!)

I am a huge customer of restaurant.com. Restaurant.com sells restaurant gift certificates at a great savings.   In most cases restaurant.com will sell you a $25 gift certificate for $10, but I will give you a GREAT tip. Sign up with them and get on their email list because they regularly have special promotions where they discount their gift certificates 50% - 70%. So instead of paying $10 for a $25 gift certificate, if you catch one of their promotions, you can get a $25 gift certificate for $3 - $5! What a deal.

I'll tell you what I do.  When they have a 50% or 70% off promotion, I buy a bunch of certificates at once and stockpile them.  They never expire.

Use this referral link and restaurant.com will give me credit for referring you.

We Just Don't Know...

Thanks CFVixen for forwarding this. Pretty funny. Except we childfree DO know what it's like to have kids. That's why we choose not to have them.

More Media Attention on the Time Article

Thanks to CF Vixen for always keeping me in the loop. A reminder that you can read the Time article here.

Look What's Coming...

AND they are taking a survey. Be sure to put in your two cents.

Time has posted part of the article here. So far, so good. Let's hope this article is fair to the childfree and doesn't consist of 3 pages of discussion about whether being childfree is selfish, and what kind of regrets the childfree may have later in life.

Already, the article's author is making the rounds.

UPDATE:  Somebody posted the text of the article here.  Some punctuation mistakes in the re-type, but at least we can read it.

I like the fact that this article touched on some important themes surrounding the childfree lifestyle, such as how our culture is baby/family-obsessed and the opposition and judgement we face, instead of endless paragraphs about selfishness and regret.

The Question of Whether to Have Kids - on Sunday Morning

Thanks to CFVixen for forwarding me this spot that aired recently on the Sunday Morning show about the choice to have children. While it was annoying that a good deal of the discussion concerning the childfree lifestyle was on the question of selfishness, as usual there was no discussion at all about the selfishness involved in having kids. Overall, though, it is a pretty decent spot that portrayed the choice to have children as gaining more acceptance.

Friday Laugh

John Oliver on the royal birth.  Too funny!  Thanks to CFVixen for the forward.

An Extraordinary Event?

BREAKING NEWS!   The Duchess of Cambridge is in labor.

The world is holding its collective breath in anticipation.  Months of speculation - is it a boy or a girl?  What will they name the child?  When will we get to see the first photos of the royal baby?  The hospital is encircled by the frenzied media.  "Breaking News" updates are flashing on the television screen every 5 minutes about this extraordinary event.

But is it?

I hate to be a party pooper, but reproducing and giving birth is not extraordinary by any stretch of the imagination.  It is the complete opposite.  It is what millions have done before and will do again.  It is what humans do, it is what animals do, it is what insects do.  Yes folks, that cockroach under your feet reproduces just like you do.

Not only is this event not extraordinary, it is entirely predictable and expected.  Would we expect anything else from Will and Kate than to reproduce so soon after marrying?  Excuse me while I stifle a yawn.

A truly extraordinary "Breaking News!" event would be for a royal couple to declare they are childfree and will be focusing their energies on other activities.  I doubt I will ever see that happen in my lifetime, but I get tingly just thinking about it.

You'll Change Your Mind

Why oh why do people assume that a person who has chosen not to have kids will change their mind?  I think this assumption irritates me almost as much as the assumption that we are selfish.

The other day, I overheard some women at work talking about their children.  These women are all in the 50s and 60s, so their children are adults. One of the women was talking about her daughter and mentioned that she doesn't want to have kids.  To her credit, she didn't say it with any disdain or regret.  She seemed perfectly okay with it - almost proud even, but immediately, without skipping a beat, the other women started trying to console her by telling  her it's likely her daughter will change her mind.  They asked how old the daughter is and when the woman replied, "36", they were even more certain that she will change her mind as there is "still time".

I came THIS.CLOSE to saying, "Hey, ladies - I too have chosen not to have kids and I am 47 and have not changed my mind yet.  It was the best decision my husband and I ever made!"  but as I opened my mouth to utter the words, a co-worker approached me and pulled me into another conversation.

MESSAGES TO THE MEDDLING PUBLIC: 

Don't assume that because a person has chosen an unconventional life path, that they are confused and will eventually see the light.  We see the light perfectly, and it's bright and clear.  It's just not the light you want us to see.

How would YOU feel if your decision to have children was invalidated and you were constantly told you would change your mind?  I bet you'd find that pretty irritating and frankly, insulting.

Don't assume that a person who hasn't had kids couldn't possibly be happy or fulfilled.  The fact is, we are living exactly the life we want.  By design it is a life that offers a great deal of flexibility, opportunity, creativity and fulfillment.  And here's the best part - if at some point we decide we are not happy with our life, we can change it around in a heartbeat and do something else.  Can you parents say the same?

Friday Laugh

Thanks, CF Vixen, for the forward!

Another Facebook Doozie

Really?

I can think of plenty of ugly and evil people whose moms did not bring something beautiful into the world....Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, and how about that guy from Cleveland they just arrested for imprisoning 3 girls in his house for 10 years?