Musings on the Childfree Lifestyle and our Child-Centric Society
Friday, February 28, 2014
What I am Missing (Poor Me)
Ah, the "have it all" lifestyle. How wistfully I read this article. If only I had chosen a different path, I too could spend my days feeling like a failure at everything. Poor pitiable me. What was I thinking choosing the childfree life?
Martyr much? You know, I'm sure her boss and co-workers would appreciate her staying home. Most companies don't want mediocre employees. Choices, CHOICES!!
This makes me so proud of my decision not to have kids. I never have to worry about feeling stressed trying to balance being a parent and working full time.
Keep in my it's ALLLL worth it. Eheh. So glad I don't have to walk that walk and think these thoughts!
Wow, what a nasty little bit of "women should stay at home" propaganda masquerading as "working mom venting."
You know what? My mom, like a lot of other moms, worked. And they worked not only out of financial necessity but also because they wanted to. Women were never meant to stay locked away in a home with only children around them. This was something that started in the 50s and also happened to coincide with the rise in drugging SAHMs to the gills because kids suck to be around 24/7 with no other adult interaction. There are women who want this and do this and it works out great for them, but most women I know, even the most dedicated "I love my kids no caveat" super-moms enjoy being able to go to the office, make the extra money, have time in a professional environment with adults.
This notion that mothers need to have some sort of intense bond with their child that necessitates being isolated with them with only brief playdate and playground breaks has got to stop. It's regressive misogynist bullshit. Putting your kid in daycare does not make you Hitler, it means that your child gets to play with a lot of other kids their own age and often enjoy environments that are more varied and stimulating than what you can whip up at home.
And seriously, if you can't be the sort of mom you want to be and you have this much angst over it... maybe you shouldn't be a mom.
RS makes a good point about the 1950's. The Baby Boom obsession with being an SAHM resulted in skyrocketing rates of alcoholism and prescription drug use among women in the 50's. There's a reason why valium was known in the 50's as "Mother's Little Helper"!
There's always been this dark side to parenthood, whether people want to admit it or not.
I only read to page 2 before I was completely digusted. You made your bed now lie in it! There is no such thing as having it all, so give something up. Priorities, priorities. This article also makes me ask "Where's dad?" Women are so set on being Superwomen these days they can't even let the fathers pitch in anymore without feeling like a failure. Women will practically kill themselves before asking for help, and have an irrational fear that he won't "do it the right way." If it keeps you from pulling your hair out, let him bathe the kids. After all they're his too!
Reading articles like this one just reinforce the happy truth that being childfree eliminates about 90% of excess worry and problems and stress from your life. Listening to other parents (in person, online, on TV) talk about parenthood, it's a never-ending litany of problems. Fertility issues. Potty training. Colic. Tantrums. Expensive daycare. Finding a sitter. PTA meetings. Choosing a good school district (and paying for it). Fighting with the spouse about the kids. Never having time to yourself. My coworker told me that she hasn't been able to read a single book since her oldest was born six years ago. Imagine not even having the time to READ A BOOK. And she only works part-time!
And all this for...what, exactly? Sticky butterfly kisses? Being told "I hate you" when they become teenagers? Keep telling me how it's all worth it though. I suppose you'll say it's just "venting" but guess what? I don't have anything in my life that sucks so much it requires me to spend half my waking hours "venting" about it.
Re: SAHMs, mine was one, and I spent most of my childhood wishing she would just get a job already, or a hobby or SOMETHING to get her out of the goddamn house and away from hovering over me and watching every damn move I made. SAHMs are bad for everyone, parents and kids. Won't someone please think of the children?
I'm the coolest uncle in the world i love my niece and nephew to pieces! And I plan to keep it that way! My sister loves being a mom but that's her. I've works in retail at a video game store for 6 years and I hear the complaints from parents about how expensive video games are and how much they are being put into debt by their spoiled bratty little shits! They always tell me "wait until you have your little prince or princess and you'll be in the same miserable situation as I am!" And I tell them "the only princes that I will be spoiling is my wife when I get married and not kids". Plus I get anxiety when I hear a toddler lose their shit and go crazy screaming and crying I have to leave the store, train or get off at the next stop and wait for another bus. I also have a commit inducing phobia to the smell of poo. So no kids for me just a lovely future wife that I can share my life with by traveling and partying anytime we want.
I know myself well enough as a self-proclaimed perfectionist that if I did want children, it would be them or a job because I think doing both is a) unrealistic and b) unfair to both your children and your job, I must add that I'm not saying women should stay at home with their children 24/7 but I do feel that too many parents allow their children to be raised almost solely by nannies which in my mind completely defeats the point of having parents. Baby-sitters are there because without any kind of 'opt-ou' of childcare, most people would go nuts, but using them all the time is unfair to your children and well, just plain defeats the point of spawning in the first place. I don't want kids, and I know that I love children and I want them in my life, but as other people's kids, as a workshop leader, but not, I repeat not, as a mother.
I was reading Anne of Ingleside the other day- one of the books in the Anne Of Green Gables series.
The main character (Anne) is now married to Gilbert, with 6 kids.
Gilbert is a doctor, Anne is a stay at home mum (married women could not work in those days), and they have a full time live in housekeeper to help them run the house and take care of the 6 kids.
So in the early 1900s, you could raise 6 kids, have a nice big house, and have a full time live in housekeeper ALL on ONE person's salary. This was the norm as married women couldn't work.
Today, I can't think of anyone, even with two incomes, who can afford a full time live in housekeeper, let alone 6 kids....
I wonder how youd feel about this article. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3681695/Fury-Tory-hopeful-Andrea-Leadsom-says-mother-gives-edge-Theresa-just-days-Home-Secretary-speaks-sadness-never-having-children.html#comments
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