Mirror Mirror...

...on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all?
Beyonce of course
She's on the cover
She sings, she dances
But above all....she's a MOTHER!!!!!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Just like Real Life

Proctor & Gamble - the maker of brands like Crest, Head & Shoulders, Olay, Oral-B, Pantene, Bounty, Charmin, Dawn, Downy, Gain, Pampers, and Tide - knows who butters their bread - moms. So they put together a little commercial to butter up their bread butterers with the message to remind moms that theirs is the best job in the world.

The video shows the sacrifice involved in being a mom - the cooking and cleaning, the caretaking and cheuffering, exhaustion, early mornings and self-sacrifice. There's lots of standing on the sidelines too - conveying how mom gives up her own life so that her child can have a great life and become successful. (Of course, from the viewpoint of a childfree blogger, this reinforces the contention that for many people parenthood is nothing more than a cop-out and a way to relegate true effort and achievement in life to someone else). We see the moms cheering on their Olympic athlete kids as if they themselves are the medal winners.

And then of course, at the end of the commercial we get the big tear-jerking bingo that being a mom is tough work, but it's SO WORTH IT. Sure, you cook and clean and slave your ass off and give up your entire life and identity - but in the end, look what you get - AN OLYMPIC MEDALIST!

Yeah, just like real life.

GASP! Gen-X Women Have Everything (Except a FAMILY!!!)

Thank you to Laura Carroll who shared a link to a Daily Mail article entitled, Successful and Childless: The Career Women from Generation X who have it all...Except a Family.  After giving this article a look-over, a rare thing occurred: I was at a loss for words. Well, for a moment at least. My readers will be happy to know that my speechlessness lasted only a minute and then my reaction began to take shape.

(sigh)

Where do I begin?

Let's start at the title of this article which tells us that we are in store for yet more tired stereotyping of childfree women - you know, that we are all self-absorbed, ladder-climbing careerists who willfully and selfishly sacrifice the most important thing in life - children - at the altar of personal ambition. After all, what other reason(s) could a woman possibly have to forego having children - the ultimate path to joy and fulfillment in life and the most important job in the world!? She must be all about me me me.

Note that the title also promotes the equally tired stereotype of childfree woman as "family-less". (Another deep sigh). Let me set the record straight:  the childfree are not without families. We have spouses and partners. We have parents. We have brothers and sisters. We have nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and grandparents. My husband and I started a family the moment we got married. Yes, a family of two - five if you count the moggies.

Once we get past the title, we are then assaulted by three carefully-selected images which further promote the stereotype of childfree women as confused souls torn between the important thing in life (motherhood) and the siren song of career ambition. Photo #1: a career woman with briefcase in one hand and baby in the other, trying to decide between one or the other. "Which road should I take? Do I want the great career or the family? I must pick one because a woman only gets 2 choices: she either wants to be a family woman (i.e. mom) or a career woman. I desperately want both, but only one choice can reign supreme. Which woman should I be?"

It's a tough decision, so let's look at pictures #2 and #3 which perhaps can help us narrow down the choices and give us some insight into which woman she might want to be. Let's see - there's the serious, bookish lawyer-looking woman on the left - obviously depicting the cold, selfish old maid (obviously all business and not having much fun). And then on the right we have the soft, glowing, smiling, content, happy mom who gazes down adoringly at her reason for living. Hm, can we guess who has her priorities straight? Who made the right choice?

Aside from the title and photos, there are many problems with this article, but here they are in a nutshell:

1. News alert!  There are many women - myself included (and I am sure many of my readers) - who do not feel at all torn between career and motherhood. I didn't choose to be childfree because my career is more important than having kids. I choose childfreedom because the lifestyle ROCKS and from my perspective PARENTHOOD SUCKS. Sorry - I am not usually this crass, but dumb-headed articles like this compel me to dispense a good smackdown.

2. There is no such thing as "too many choices".  I live in America where choice is a GOOD thing.  It's a virtue that I stand 100% behind and nobody can convince me I shouldn't.  If being born in 1966 means I am of a generation of choice, then I'll wear the Gen-X title with pride. I am glad that I was born at a time when I actually have the choice to be childfree. I am grateful there is effective birth control. I am lucky nobody can force me to be a parent. And I am glad others have the choice to be parents if it makes them happy. To each her own.

3. If family = kids, then yes - I am a Gen-X woman who has everything...except a family - and guess what? I'm thrilled about it! Don't throw me a pity party. Don't tsk-tsk me, lament that my sad state is the result of "too many choices", and shake your head that I'm too busy with my career to see what's really important in life. I know what's important in life and I'm living it. In fact, from what I can tell, I'm doing a hell of a lot more living than the parents I know who are buried under massive piles of diapers, kindercrap, PTA meetings, screaming matches, play dates, debt and diarrhea blow-outs.

4. I am not "left without a family of my own". I am blessed with a beautiful family who I cherish, the most important members being the ones I have willfully and thoughtfully chosen to share my life and household with. I find it insulting and frankly, irritating that in this day and age when every configuration of people under the sun defines itself as family, I still have to endure the pity and judgemental attitude of people who think a happily married couple sans kids is a sorrowful state of emptiness and lack.  It's a flat out lie, and I am sick to death of articles like this spreading the lie around. I'm here to spread some truth.

Finally, let it be said:  Not all GenX women bought into the myth of:

Husband + House + Career + Kids = Have it All

I have 3 of those things and I know for certain that if I had the fourth, I'd have way less.

Is 30 Rock Pronatalist too?

I received this e-mail from a reader who gave me permission to print it. If you're a fan of 30 Rock, please let us know what you think:

"I must say I love your blog and appreciate the time and effort you put into it. I enjoy reading it and it inspires me not to be afraid to think for myself. I recently started watching the NBC sitcom 30Rock (a quick trip to imdb.com can explain this show better than I can...) but unfortunately this is in my honest opinion the worst episode that aired recently called "Sun Tea"...

It started out pretty good. The two characters, Jack Donaghy and Tracy Jordan, plan to get vasectomies together after exploring the disadvantages of having kids. In Jack's case, he seemed like the childfree type from the start. His hero is "publicly humiliated by his own family" and he's glad he doesn't have to experience this himself. Yeah, he's rich enough to afford multiple kids but he doesn't have them anyway. He seems to have a good head on his shoulders...so far.

In Tracy's case, even though he already had children (2 boys I think), his reasons were: " This Cosby Show lied to me!" (you know, the usual perfect or in some way appealing family that everyone would love to be a part of) and the inability to tell "the stripper story" in front of Tracy Jr.

Both men had no problems getting their surgeries approved but in the end, they both decided not to go through with the vasectomy because Tracy was stupid enough to listen to his Cosby Show hallucination during his vasectomy and Jack bonded with Tracy Jr. over homework in the waiting room. What's even stupider is they add some "green" propaganda. But there's obviously nothing "green" abotu having children...hypocricy much, Tina Fey? She's a mom of course as well as the creator of this show.

Please tell me this episode pokes fun at people who have stupid reasons for having children. I want to love this show, I really do. The past ones weren't painful to watch like this one was. It kind of makes me fear for the future just a little bit more...

Here's a link to the episode. I hope it's able to show up so you can judge for yourself.

KS"

Notice from Redbook: This is NOT a Family

First off, Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate. I hope you did like me and ate everything in sight because this is the one day of year where it's not only acceptable - it's encouraged! This year I am thankful for many of the things you'd expect - my hubby, my health, my adorable furboys, the fact that I have a job. The list goes on. I am also thankful for you, my dear readers - for reading my rants and through your feedback, validating my feelings and making me realize that there are way too many people who share my feeling for me to be crazy. I hope my blog provides a little validation for you too.

On Wednesday, I left the office at 2:00, but before I did, I stopped by the waiting room and grabbed a magazine to read on the train. I really don't care for our office's selection of magazines - it's the usual tripe, and the women's magazines usually end up annoying me more than entertaining me, but I went against my better judgement and grabbed the November issue of Redbook to read on the way home.

In addition to finding a yummy-looking recipe for cranberry apple chutney, I learned something very interesting while reading Redbook. Hubby and me are NOT a family. Redbook is very clear about this in their article entitled What's the Right-Size Family? The tag line to the title is "Sometimes you build your family by choice, and sometimes by chance. These eight couples share the stories of how 1, 2, 6...even 12...is just the right number of children".

So against my better judgement, I tortured myself and read through the entire article just to make sure they really didn't present a couple who chose not to have children. Heck, I would have even be happy to see a presentation of a childless by circumstance couple who, in the normal feel-good Redbook fashion, overcame their circumstance and came to embrace their life as-is.

Ah, but alas, this was all just fantasy on my part. As would be expected from such a typical rag, the usual assumptions were made: first, that all couples have or want children - that it's not a matter of whether a couple will have kids but how many. Second, that a couple who does not have children is not a family and of course, the underlying sub-message to that - that if you desire to live and create a family lifestyle for yourself, you'll need to pop out at least one kid.

I got to read heartwarming stories of blissful families like Jody and Chad who have come to terms with the fact that they will only have one child together (Chad already has a brood from a previous marriage and had a vasectomy before meeting Jody). Of course, it never occurs to them to adopt, but that's another issue. And then we have Aly and Jay who started with one but ended up with five and talk about how "awesome" it is to have this many kids, even though, Aly admits, there are days when she doesn't sit down for 12 hours straight. Lisa Renee and Russell opted to have 2 (and no more) because having 2 is manageable enough to allow them to "put their marriage first", for example taking 3 trips per year by themselves (yeah, we childfree couples know all about putting marriages first, if anyone's interested).

Then we get to the "faithful" family of Kate and Ray who allow God to determine how many kids they have. No surprise, they're up to 12. While saying it can be difficult, they mostly stress how blessed they feel and how the local business just love to see their van pull into their parking lots (can you imagine the carbon footprint of this family?)

The article goes on to feature 4 more families: one with a big age gap between their 2 kids, one who opted for just 1 child, another one with a big brood. Some of them (like the only-child couple and the couple with 6 children) describe the judgements they suffer from others who think their choice of number of children is wrong. Ha! They haven't seen anything. Try stating aloud that you have chosen not to have kids and then you can talk about judgements.

I guess what irritates me the most about this article is the title itself and the one obvious missing answer: What's the Right-Size Family?" The question begs for at least ONE of the answers to be "2 - just the couple" and yet, despite the fact that 7 - 10% of all couples opt to be childfree and very much consider themselves a family, not a single sentence in this article mentions this option as an answer to the question it presents.

I don't know about you, but I consider hubby and me (with or without our furry boys) a family. I always have. Hubby is my family. He's more family to me than my parents and siblings. He is the person who loves and understands me the most. He is the person I have built a life with - who I share and run a household with, who I go through all of life's joys, trials and tribulations with. We grow and develop together and make each other better people. If that isn't a family, I don't know what is. Frankly, I am sick and tired of being marginalized and treated as though we do not exist when the truth is - not only do we exist, but we flourish because of our chosen lifestyle.

Rags like Redbook (and the media in general) love to expand the boundaries of what constitutes a family and for the most part, I think that's a good thing. Today, family is no longer narrowly defined as a married couple with children. We have blended families, single-parent families, even families with 2 moms or 2 dads. The idea of family has been stretched so far beyond it's original definition that almost anything will be defined and embraced as family - that is, except for childfree and childless couples. For some reason we cannot seem to earn that title. We've come a long way baby, but we haven't gotten there yet.

So what do you think? Is a couple without children a "family"? Cast your vote on my new poll.

Just Your Typical Mom

Guess what the big celebrity news is right now? Heidi Klum strutting her glorious post-baby bod down the Victoria's Secret catwalk. See, ladies - it's just like they always tell us - pregnancy and childbirth is the best thing a woman can do. It makes her BETTER. It makes her more beautiful. It makes her sexier and more glamorous. You can have all the babies you want and still be a hot chick - just look at Heidi. She is proof it is true!

So what are you waiting for?! Pop out those babies! We guarantee you - no stretch marks, no droopy boobs, no weight gain, no big hips.

Whatsamatter? Don't you believe me?

Casting Stones

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The Today Show likes to talk about families, and babies, and pregnancy and parenting A LOT. They spend lots of air time promoting and glorifying parenthood - just one of the thousands of voices in the deafening chorus of media pronatalists singing the praises of having children and providing endless support and encouragement for people who choose that lifestyle. I challenge you to find one 30-minute slot on The Today Show in which you will not be subjected to a piece on motherhood, or babies, or parenting techniques, or infertility treatments, or mid-life mothering, or debates over innoculations, or child discipline, or child health issues and the list goes on adfinitum. The pro-parenthood propoganda never stops...

EXCEPT when it comes to the Octomom. I guess even the parenthood-obsessed Today Show has to draw a line somewhere. Watch the above clip and listen to Dr. Almighty Snyderman (a Today Show regular) cast her judgment on Nadya Suleman, Suleman's doctors and our culture's obsession with multiple births and bad parenting, a.k.a. "bad parent porn."

I agree with Dr. Almighty, but here's the rub: The Today Show is one of the very outlets that relentlessly feeds our culture's breeding obsession, and fuels the attention-seeking, baby-obsessed psychosis of human breeding machines like Nadya Suleman. This in turn ramps up the demand for unethical doctors who will do whatever they can to service women like Octomom, yet now The Today Show stands in judgement of the very monster it helped to create.

The Today Show may cast all the stones it likes, but today I am casting some stones right back at it.