Dear Readers,Today I wanted to share an email I received from one of my readers (who gave her permission for me to publish it anonymously).
I sent her a reply (which I will post here as a comment) but thought it would be helpful to her to hear what you have to say as well.
If you have words of wisdom for this reader, please post a comment.
"Hi, I recently discovered your blog and I love it. Very well written posts. I agree with so much! I'm 27 and my husband is 24 and he has never wanted kids and very adamately still doesn't and says he most likely never will (he doesn't like the resposibility, thinks the world is already overpopulated and has a family history of bipolar and skitzophrenia and doesn't want to pass it on). I knew this when we got married and I didn't think I wanted them either so it wasn't a problem. I also have depression and ocd and anxiety and I know my child would probably get it too, especially when combined with his genes. So I was fine with it. Then all of my friends started having babies and started making me feel like I was missing something. I'm an only child, so is my husband.. so I have a small family and not many close friends at the moment either and sometimes worry about the future and not having any kids around to keep me company and/or take care of me. I know those are selfish and stupid reasons to have kids though, because there are plenty of old people who end up alone even though they had children. I agree so much with all the logical reasons not to have kids and the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I've never even been a motherly person at all, never wanted to hold other's babies the way all the other little girls did when I was growing up. But my question is, how do I get over these feelings that I'm "missing something"? Have you ever experienced that at all? I think its really all created by other people around me and not really coming from myself..I love the lifestyle my husband and I have right now, we can travel, sleep as much as we want, cook grown-up dishes, have time for hobbies, etc. I wouldn't really want all that to change when it comes down to it. But how can I deal with other people rubbing their kids in my face and always talking about how "wonderful" being a parent is? What made me decide to write you today was when I got on facebook one of my old friends who is currently pregnant was saying how she's always had depression and anxiety and now that she's pregnant its really coming out and she needed to get on some medication for it.. and then one of her friends (who I don't know) said: (in part) "I have a very long history of depression, anxiety, and OCD, but since I have had both of my daughters, if you can believe it, I have it all under control, w/o medication or counseling. I guess they make me so happy and make my life feel so fulfilled, plus I am too busy to have problems lol!". Of course this made me feel bad because like I said, I have deppression and ocd as well and it seems like now for some people all of that can be fixed by having a baby. I know its not true though! I just need some reassurance! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!! Sorry this is so long and thanks so much if you could get through reading it all!
Keep up the great work on the blog!"
Keep up the great work on the blog!"
