Carrying the Cross (anonymously)

It's funny sometimes how things can really make you think. It's even funnier when it's your own blog post that makes you think.

When hubby read my previous post, he said he really liked my declaration of childfree honesty and my call to childfree people to stand up and shout childfreedom from the rooftops - say it loud, say it proud and all that. Then, being the wise guy he is, he cracked, "is that why you are anonymous on your blog?"

Hm!

Well, I explained, of course I am anonymous on my blog! I have to be careful. What if I am job searching someday and a prospective employer does a search on my name? Given the likelihood that she will be a parent, do I really want her to stumble on my rantings about how parents are so entitled? How our entire culture and media are unreasonably child and family-obsessed? How I zip into stork spots like Daisy Duke and rob pregnant women of their God-given right to primo parking? What if my family Googles me and finds this blog? Do I really want them reading my rants that essentially state that I think their lifestyle sucks and that parenthood is nothing more than a glorified pile of doo-doo? No, I think it's better I keep these expressions safely disassociated from my name and my interactions with people who can make judgements about me that can have a serious impact on my life and well-being. Childfreeeee I shall remain.

Besides, I explained to my wisecracking husband, being anonymous allows me to be really truthful and to really let it all hang out with no fear of personal repercussions. Sure, I may not use terms like breeder, Moo, crotch dumpling and the like, because frankly, I am not a big fan of CF hater-speak. But I do like to let the truth out - exactly what I feel and think, exactly when I feel and think it - and being anonymous gives me the personal freedom to let loose with abandon and without worrying how my image and reputation might be tarnished or who might find out and be offended. Because I am anonymous, I never have to censor myself. And boy is it fun to write uncensored stuff that you know others are reading (and hopefully finding validation in).

Wiseguy nodded in agreement. He gets it. He was just yanking my crank.

But he did get me questioning myself about how courageous and truthful I really am. Sure, I have this blog where I pontificate about pronatalism and childfreedom while I hide behind the screen name of Childfreeeee like the elusive Wizard of Oz . And I did do some serious academic work on the subject and even presented it to classmates and faculty (many of whom are parents). That was courageous, right? Oh, and there was a time when I was interviewed briefly for a local newcast story on DINKS. I certainly had to muster up some courage for that.

But am I courageous in the mundane moments of my day-to-day life?

My answer is yes and no. Yes, I tell people I am childfree and I use the term openly. I tell them why too, if they ask. And I challenge people from time to time - sometimes gently nudging them into identifying their pronatalist bias; other times delighting in shocking people with childfree candor. But no, if I am speaking with someone who is a parent (or who wants to be a parent) I generally do not go into my deepest and more controversial viewpoints on the issue - the things I know they would not be able to absorb or comprehend; the viewpoints that would send their heads spinning like the girl in the Exorcist and gaping at me like I am a 3-headed alien. When push comes to shove, sometimes it's easier to just let it go and be one in the crowd. Who wants to walk around with their neck sticking out all time?

I look at it this way - if every childfree person and sympathizer does something to further the cause, to open peoples' eyes and illuminate the shortcomings of our society, to lessen the prejudice and bring us a little farther out of the margins, the collective result will be massive. I feel hopeful that I am contributing in a meaningful way. I might not be willing to climb onto the crucifix for the cause, but I'll help to carry it. Will you?