Saturday, March 17, 2012

No Messy Crotch for Me

CFVixen sent me an article called, Happily After Giving Birth - 10 Things They Don't Tell You.   Read it and if you're a childfree-by-choice woman, count your lucky stars you will never have to deal with the horror of life after pregnancy which, as the article points out - consists of:
  • Heavy periods
  • A "messy crotch"
  • Being fat
  • Crying all the time
  • Hair falling out
  • Tough time breast feeding
  • Hating your husband
  • Hot flashes
  • "Hard boobs"
  • Constipation
Yes, at the end of the article there's a little bit of self-congratulatory backpedaling about the miraculous heroics involved in "creating a person", but it's not too gushy or over the top.


melissa said...


My friend is cheerfully trying to get pregnant with child #2 (don't get me started)and I asked her if she was not looking forward to being pregnant again and giving labor. She said "Eh, I did it once before..."

I know I couldn't happily and willingly step into that world. Not once, not twice. No frickin' thank you!

And WHY do they call babies miracles? Everything procreates - do you know how many kittens one female cat can have in a year? About 30, give or take. It's NOT a miracle.

Violet said...

What the heck is Messy Crotch???

Trista said...

They also don't tell you about pelvic (also called uterine) prolapse. And spare yourself - avoid Google image search for this medical condition:

I suggest this video:

"What causes uterine prolapse?

The uterus is held in place within the pelvis by a group of muscles and ligaments. As these structures weaken, they become unable to hold the uterus in position, and it begins to sag. There are several factors that may contribute to the weakening of the pelvic muscles, including:
Loss of muscle tone as the result of aging
Injury during childbirth, especially if the woman has had many babies or large babies (more than 9 pounds)
Other factors (Obesity, chronic coughing or straining and chronic constipation all place added tension on the pelvic muscles, and may contribute to the development of uterine prolapse.)"


^^^ You could probably do a whole extra post on this horrible condition which IS MAINLY CAUSED BY CHILDBIRTH.

And trust me... they DO NOT tell young women about it.

Ire said...

And you'll probably look ten years older than you used to after giving birth. You'll have permanent scars and birthmarks, saggy boobs and a huge tummy.

shell said...

Yeah--what is a "messy crotch". Sounds awful.

Another horrible thing that can result from being pregnant is "placenta previa" which a friend of mine experienced during pregnancy and she almost died. I think it's where the placenta grows in the wrong place and covers the cervix. The main symptom of placenta previa is sudden bleeding from the vagina-! Another friend of mine whose son is now 18 told me she never felt more vulnerable than when she was pregnant. To me the whole idea of something growing inside you and getting bigger and bigger is just frightening. I visited an old cemetary in Prescott Arizona and was amazed at the number of women who had "died in childbirth" on their headstones. Nowadays I think that many women are likely to be murdered by their husbands while pregnant.

CFVixen said...

Trista: My MIL had uterine prolapse. No freaking wonder...she had 8 kids! I just do not get it!

Spectra said...

My sister, who has had 3 kids, told me all the gory details about giving birth--including hemorrhoids, huge ankles, bleeding afterwards for a long time, saggy boobs, and looking like you are still pregnant for at least 9 months after you have the kid. No. Thank. You.

redwings19 said...

Oh My.

Even with the backpeddaling at the end, it's nice to see an honest account of what happens. Bravo.

And yet, as the child of a father who "created a miracle" and then disappared, isn't the really hard part AFTER the kid is born?

just saying...

Anonymous said...

Good god those sound awful. More detail for the 100 reasons list. I am NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER giving birth to children. OK, I have recovered from my horror now.

WhiteRaven Slade said...

I've talked to mommies at work...and at least ONE was honest. The reason they can have that 2 or 3rd or 4th baby, even after all the body warping and pain....THEY DON'T REMEMBER.

They literally do not remember what "in the moment" labor felt like. Labor Amnesia. I believe it...who would do this to themselves twice?

Roxie Harlow said...

Just seeing how a stomach looks with stretch marks and sagging after giving birth is enough to terrify me! Not to mention the deflated balloon looking breasts. Ugh. I do not understand why so many women put themselves through this.

Temujin said...

Not to sound insensitive about all these body issue things, but aren’t some of these things inevitable in later life whether you have children or not? Some of these, like drooping boobs (men are not immune to this…) are just accelerations of aging and not unique creations of childbirth. Having a kid makes your body go through things in a year that otherwise take decades.

I’d also add some of the ones that go along with breastfeeding, like raw, scabby nipples. Sounds great, no?

It is possible for someone to look at all this and still think, as an *individual*, that it’s all worth it, but if we look at it warts and all pregnancy on its own is a hard sell. Know what you’re getting into, and if you still make that choice, then own it.

I see some great names for bands coming out of this: Messy Crotch. Scabby Nipples. Placenta Previa.

Temujin said...

Placenta previa was practically a death sentence before some modern forms of C-section were developed, and it's still a highly dangerous condition for vaginal delivery. Anytime the placenta tears away too soon, there's a risk of massive blood loss.

Oh, didn't anyone mention that whole risk of death thing?

Anonymous said...

Well, to play devil's advocate, my mom only gained 8.5 pounds with me, and her body bounced back wonderfully. Granted, she was only 24 when she had me. ;)
That said, I could not go through the process of pregnancy (oh, the horror!), labor, childbirth, OR the worst part ever, childrearing! ;)
As much as I enjoy a well-behaved child in very small doses, the idea of being responsible for another human life for 21 plus years does nothing to excite me. In fact, at 36 years of age, the idea terrifies more now than it ever did.
Bring on the puppies, ongoing betterment of my marriage (b/c yes, there IS time to work on one's marriage!), travel, wine tastings, saving of money (for more travel and more wine!), and home improvements!
Oh, and another glorious thing about living child-free? One never has to child-proof one's home! ;)

Liz @ MaybeBabyMaybeNot said...

I've always loved this quote: "I realize why women die in childbirth - it's preferable." ~Sherry Glaser


Poppie Jasper said...

She used the words... GIANT THUNDERPAD to describe the, ahem, sanitary towels needed for up to six weeks after birth.

My ovaries just died. From horror.

Poppie Jasper said...

another thing they don't tell you?

You will do a giant poo, during delivery, on the table, in front of all and sundry. All of that mighty pushing has some unfortunate results.

This happens to almost everybody...and this means almost everyone's husband or partner gets to see this gory detail too. (But funnily enough...this isn't often included in the birthing story).

Good lord.

jenn said...

I haven't even made it all the way through the article, but can I mention how painful this chick's blog is to read!? Someone needs to teach her how to write clearer sentences. A class on proper comma placement would do her a world of good. Just sayin'.

mzwunderkind said...

Lol this made my day! Loved your comment!

Artemis said...

@Temujin: I think many of those things are bound to happen later in life, but I have to disagree that will be with the same intensity. I have a childfree friend that is almost 60. I almost fainted when I found out her age after 2 years of friendship, I thought she was about 35, 40 years old. That is, I think, partially because she did not have her body ripped off by childbirth, partially because, with more time to dedicate to herself and her health, she exercises frequently.
Also, she feels young, behaves young, always in a good mood, and that shows on her outfit choices as well.

NoniWork said...

I thought this author was refreshingly honest and funny. Also, everything in that article was horrifying. I remember how awful and sensitive I felt after my tubal ligation surgery, and how much I wanted to avoid hospitals after that. I can't imagine willingly putting myself in one again.

Ugh, I could have done without the "miracle" thing, though. I am so tired of that. It's not a miracle. It's a baby. Now, if you had a baby and that baby healed other babies in the maternity ward, that would be a miracle. I would want to see that.