Mothers Spilling Their Guts

Despite the fact that we are bombarded from childhood with the message that being a mother is a woman's pinacle achievement in life and the source of her ultimate fulfilment and happiness, there is an army of women out there who would disagree. And now, thanks to the anonymity afforded by the internet, they are coming forward to spill their guts about the awfulness of motherhood and how they fantasize about throwing in the towel.

Thanks to CFVixen for forwarding me this blog post entitled, "I cannot handle being a mother anymore". The post itself is a heartwrenching expression of anxiety and grief (with an allusion to suicidality thrown in for good measure):

I have been tempted in the past, to throw up my hands, and walk away from it. From all of it. Times when it’s gotten so hard, too hard, worse than I ever imagined, I wanted to walk down the road, climb up onto the highway, and be gone. Never to be seen again. I thought it, many times.

Equally stirring are the comments from like-minded readers who share in this woman's pain with a resounding "DITTO". Many of the readers arrived at this discussion by googling "I hate being a mother".

A sampling of some of the comments this post received:

I felt that way, maybe still do. It started when Jackson was two and I couldn’t get far enough away from him……..I couldn’t escape the responsibility physically, mentally, emotionally….no way. Maybe it’s like a leather glove bought a size too small. It stretches to fit eventually.

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Yup — I hear this. I love my boys but I don’t even feel like the same person I used to be. And I liked that person. I don’t like this mom-person I’ve become. She’s bossy and stressed and forgets to smile most days. Boy, do I hear this.

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Thank you for posting this reply. I am a stay-at-home mother to a 4yr. old and a 2yr. old….sometimes the dredgery, monotony and demands can send me bursting into tears, wanting my old life before children to come back. But at times I punish myself for my feelings because I WANTED this – I chose to have children, and now I must fulfill their needs because it would not be fair to them – they didn’t get to choose me as a mother. I don’t understand many times how I could love these children indescribably, yet want to run away and hide, leaving them behind – all in the same day….
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I just spent an entire hour at the store buying school supplies with my 5 year old and 7 year old. The entire time we were at the store, the 7 year old was begging for me to buy him toys. Non-stop. What the hell do I do with that?!? By the time we pulled into the drive-way, I was a wreck. I made them go in the house while I sat in the driveway for 10 minutes crying my eyes out (and I’m on Zoloft). After dragging 10 bags in the house, my daughter was yelling for me. She was on the toilet having diarrhea and it was all over her, her clothes, my bathroom rug, and the toilet. Back to my son, I need to tell you that this begging (for Pokemon cards) has been going on for 2 days with him. All punishments have failed. I’m just exhausted by him! Today was the last straw. I had to “google” “I hate being a mother” and am so glad I’m not alone. Yes, I love my children. Yes, they were totally planned. I am a stay-at-home mother and sometimes think I should not be. And no, no one can prepare you for all this. I just hope it gets easier some day.

Gotta go. My daughter just flooded the bathroom.

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I hope I will not be bashed for entering this discussion, however my wife is in the same exact boat. My heart breaks for her because she cannot cope with being a mother anymore. Our marriage is on the rocks because of it. She is a stay at home mom (full-time) and I work full-time. I do the best I can to give her a break, by cleaning up around the house (cooking,cleaning,laundry) and taking the kids to the park or just out back on the swingset. As a husband, father and a man, I am trying to the best I can. My Daughter just started Kindergarten (3hrs a day) and we are enrolling my son into daycare a couple days during the week. Im trying to put myself in her shoes and understand more of what she is feeling, so I can help her. It kills me when I am at work and she texts be messages how she can’t cope anymore and she hates being a mother. Again sooo sorry for hitting this forum, but I’m lost and wanted to see what other people think anda re saying.
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...I feel SO out of it. Like a zombie, no where near my former self. A shadow, really. An angry, grumpy shadow. The worst part is, I’m still as ambitious as I was before kids. But now that ambition is succumbing to despair because I have no “me” time . . . no time to accomplish things for myself. I feel like my life has ended . . . and I’m only 27!

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I found out I was pregnant 2 months after my honeymoon. I too, felt like I had no choice but to keep him, and I wasn’t happy about it. Everyone told me that my feelings would change once I saw his face for the 1st time. I do love him, but those “natural maternal feelings” never showed up. I resent being a mother even more now that he’s in the rebellious toddler phase. Most days I don’t think I can take one more minute with him and then he does or says something so sweet that makes me feel so guilty for feeling that way. I want to be a GOOD MOM, and I hate the anger/guilt cycle, I just don’t know how to break out of it. You’re not alone and I’m glad I’m not, either!_________________________________________________

Obviously, I googled the same thing as everyone else. Lately, I just really hate being a mother. I was so happy with my life before she came along, I was never wanting children to make me feel complete. She is so wonderful and can be so sweet and has a great sense of humor, but I just need some time away. My husband and I work opposite schedules, so I don’t have tons of support at night. No friends or family help–they are just as busy or live out of state. It is very lonely and draining and I feel a lot of guilt–even as I write these horrible things, she is poking my arm with a cardboard box on her head saying “yehaw”. I miss the old fun me. I am grumpy and tired and easily irritated and short-tempered. I think my husband is starting to think I’m a terrible mother, too. _________________________________________________

I should have NO complaints…afterall I’m living the dream, right? Right…the only problem is it was never MY dream. I knew my whole life I was not cut out for this dream. Now…I’ve proved it, and I don’t think anything will ever bring me out of this G-U-I-L-T. I knew better! I freakin knew better and I CHOSE to do it anyway. I never thought I was capable of such feelings of inadequacy. Holy cow do I feel inadequate. Across the board… I can’t think of a single thing I do well. Others assure me that’s not the case, but I honestly beleive it is out of respect of the skinny fun loving person I used to be. I will never regret giving my husband a son, but I think I will probably always regret creating and subjecting another sweet living being to the dissapointment of being my child. If your gut says no….listen. I wish I had, I really do, and I’ve got it pretty good. Damn.

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If you take the time to read through the comments you will see that a lot of women didn't even want kids, but caved to the pressure put on them by others.

If you'd like to read more from regretful parents, click here.