Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Scoop on Pregnancy (and Childfree Pre-Thanksgiving Thankfulness)

CFVixen sends me the best stuff (thank you CFVixen!). This article had me laughing out loud. It's called Top 10 Things They Should Warn You About Before You Get Pregnant. If you are childfree, you should definitely read the article and relish in thankfulness and joy of knowing you will be spared this awful fate. Here's the secret stuff pregnant go through that nobody warns them about:

1. Growing a beard.
2. Constipation
3. Bad gas
4. Drooling
5. Belching
6. Overgrown pubic hair
7. Excess vaginal discharge
8. Vaginal pain (i.e. "lightening crotch")
9. Incontinence
10. Vaginal lips growing in size

AND if you read the readers' comments below the article, you will also learn that there are a slew of additional wonderful symptoms of pregnancy including but not limited to: stuffy nose, snoring, hemorrhoids, leg cramps, runny nose, skin tags, liver spots, nipple clogging, acne, itchy skin, backaches, body aches and pains, pregnancy mask, unusual body smells, nosebleeds, splotchy skin, clogged ears and sinuses, acid indigestion and acid reflux, limp hair, exhaustion, yeast infections, varicose veins, itchy nipples, hyper-salivation, swollen eyeballs and more!

Thanksgiving is coming! Let's all give thanks for being childfreeeeee!


Spectra said...

My sis warned me about the hemorrhoids. She also left out no details about some of the other stuff that happened to her when she got pregnant. Like heartburn, your feet getting huge, being tired all the time, stretch marks, and the awesome weak pelvic floor muscles that make you leak urine. After all of that "info", I most definitely think that childbirth is NOT an experience I ever want to go through.

CeCe said...

yep pregnancy puts your body through the ringer. my sister was all jacked up. but despite this women do it over and over again. i know there is something to it but that it probably just isn't for me.

Amy Guskin said...

Those are horrible! And, love the mistake (theirs) in #8: "lightening crotch" is what happens when you spill the Clorox in your lap. I'm guessing they meant "lightning crotch." Yowch! (And now I can't get Lindsay Lohan out of my head...)

Cathy said...

I've heard enough horror stories from pregnant friends and family to know that pregnancy is NOT pretty. This year I will be extra thankful that I am childfree and that I've never experienced "lightening crotch"! Yikes.

Unknown said...

I`ve nothing to say other than reading that article made me want to barf. Wet pregnant women and their swollen vulvas. Just, ewww.

Christy said...

Don't forget the lower stomach pouch that apparently deflates and then looks like something one would find on the elephant man.

I also was thumbing through the new phone book, and stopped to look at the pictures of pretty women on all the plastic surgery ads---I spotted something called the "mommy makeover," but there was no further description. I wonder what that entails? Maybe it's a particular grouping of procedures.

I was commenting to someone the other day: when you sleep heavily after a night of drinking alcoholic beverages, and you drank a lot of water also before you slept---when you finally wake up and urinate, your organs are kind of your overly full bladder was pressing on them all night. Well, pregancy has to be like that, only you don't get to expel the disruptive bulge for nine months! Owww...

LadyTyger said...

OH! That was... intense. Especially on a Saturday morning! LOL!

I am immensely thankful that my body will never have to go through any of those awful things. Leaking urine and "lightning crotch?!" No, thank you!