Friday, April 1, 2011

My tongue - set free



Well, I figured it had to happen. My tongue-biting could only last so long. In this case, only 5 days.

Yesterday, one of the baby-loving hens I wrote about in this post ran into my office to ask if I had seen this adorable video of twin babies "talking" that's been making its way around the internet. I told her yes, and we talked about how hilarious and cute the video is. She started talking again about how adorable babies are.

I happen to know (because she's been complaining about it a lot in earshot of everyone in the office) that she is going through a really difficult time with her teenaged son right now. He's skipping school a lot, he's suffering with behavior problems and she recently confided in me that she's seriously considering sending him to live with his father because she is no longer able to effectively discipline him and is at wit's end. I've seen her in tears more than once over the last week.

Keeping this all in mind, when she started up about how adorable babies are, I replied, "Yeah, it's too bad they don't stay babies." She nodded enthusiastically and started bellyaching again about all the troubles with her son, at which time I replied, "I hope you are telling Cindy all these things and not just trying to talk her into having a baby." Right away she got defensive. "I wasn't trying to talk her into having a baby. I tell her everything..the good and the bad."

Yeah I bet. I bet all of the negative stories she tells Cindy about her son end the same way:

"But it's so worth it."

23 comments:

Temujin said...

Cute video. That must be how we grown-ups sound to them.

I know that's what a lot of the TV news programs today sound like to me, except with jazzier graphics.

Maybe your coworker really does talk about the bad and the good, but there's no way that it's perfectly balanced. The hens are encouraging Cindy to have a baby, not encouraging her to have a teenager!

I'm actually a little relieved that she can make the connection between a baby and a troublesome teen, that one can grow up to be the other. I often wonder if parents can even think like that.

Temujin said...

P.S. I might add, who needs to have a baby when I have YouTube? Online video babies never grow up into snotty teenagers, they're always cute, and I can leave them alone for months at a time! And they cost nothing!

CFVixen said...

LOL...that video was funny for about a minute. Then I got tired of it! Since that would be considered an "it's all worth it" moment, I can be pretty certain it wouldn't be worth it to me.

I remember one time we were at a family gathering and my SIL (DH's sister) was holding her new grandkid. She was gushing all over it and telling me that I should really consider having one. At that very moment, her teenage son (the baby's uncle), came up and started asking her for money for something. She said no, and they argued for awhile. It ended with him yelling at her saying that he hated her guts. I then said, you are pushing me to experience THAT?! She was quiet for awhile and said, "well, at least they are fun for awhile!" Later, she said that when she was younger and wanting babies, she never thought about how they would grow up. She just wanted a baby! Heck, she had five, and all of them had "issues" and put them through hell.

Christina Megill Craven said...

I always worry about people who LOVE babies and hate teenagers. I feel bad for teenagers, it is such an exciting time in life! I hear so many parents disparage teenagers when little Johnny is 2 years old and the disconnect is striking.

Idle Mind said...

I have never liked teenagers, didn't even when I was one myself. And they are one of the many, many reasons my fiancé and I do not want children.

And really, this is one of the things people should think about before having children: will they have the strength to raise a teenager? Because you can never know how the child will turn out.

I was not that tough on my parents, when I was a teenager, I've always been quiet and a bit reserved at times, and always stayed out of trouble. Unlike my younger sisters, who made my parents' life a living hell when they were in their teens (they have just barely passed the age of 20 at the moment). They were always getting into trouble by sneaking out at night, getting drunk on school nights etc. (but I always thought it was great fun listening through the door, when my parents lectured my sisters, although the lectures never made any difference).

Allie said...

I guess I'm in the minority here when I say that the video got on my nerves. I couldn't watch more than a few seconds without thinking...ok, shut up.

GordonGartrell'sMuse said...

Her getting defensive probably means that she really DOESN'T talk about everything without sugarcoating it - the usual bitch and backpedal *yawn*

I find babies tolerable (rarely do I think that they or their antics are full-on cute) but I always wonder if parents who romanticize babies/early development realize how stupid it is to jump into a lifetime commitment based on 2-3 years of "cute". Probably not.

Like Temujin said, those hens were clucking about having a baby, not a teenager...

Wix said...

Maybe something is wrong with me but this comes across more as grating than "cute".

Also they look big enough to potentially open that oven, yet small enough to fit into it...

Dani said...

I just want to say that, as a parent, this blog has been great for me, because it's really made me think. I have friends who don't want children, and my younger sister has said for years she doesn't want children, and the only thing I've ever said to them is, "Okay!" (When my sister expressed worry on the regret issue, I just said, "If you change your mind, that's okay, but if you don't change your mind, that's okay too.") I feel it's the only thing I *should* be saying, because no one needs my validation, just my support. But this blog has made me consider things from their points-of-view, and try to think of things I could say or do that could be more helpful or empathetic. It's also made me think more about societal pressures, the blatant and the subtle, and the part I could play in pressuring someone or influencing someone if I'm not careful. I hope I've always been supportive, but maybe I haven't been as mindful as I should be. So I thank you for that.

marin said...

Is this the good part about babies?
I find them unbearably noisy.
Better a barking dog.

Dave said...

Allie, I'm with you.

After the first few seconds of the shrieking, I quickly grabbed the remote and switched to another channel. That's how fast that useless video annoyed me.

Margaret said...

I agree with Allie and Wix. This video grated on my nerves. It's the same mindless babble that children do before they learn how to speak. It's nothing new, just like the supposed "miracle" of life. People seem to forget that babies grow up into entitled tweens, teens and adults. Always asking for stuff, wanting to borrow the car, thinking they need to have everything in order to be cool, accepted, etc.

Spectra said...

Great point--babies are cute; a-hole teenagers that walk all over you and cop an attitude with you when they don't get their way are NOT cute. I thought I was a pretty good kid, but even though I was a very easy teenager, my parents had a lot of issues with my younger brother. He snuck out all the time, smoked pot in his bedroom, got into trouble with the police, never went to college, and lived with my folks until he was 24 years old. My parents complained to me about him living there and not paying rent or anything and I told them it was their problem, not mine.

harvey_requiem said...

Okay, I watched most of it, and while it is definitely annoying, it is also kind of creepy. Demon babies! Maybe it's my family history of paranoia and such, but my first impression was that they eerily seem to be plotting something. I almost expected a significant pause followed by a careful glance toward the camera in unison!

This would be a great thing to add comedic subtitles to. I'd do it, but I don't have that kind of devious wit. Would be hilarious though!

redwings19 said...

Yeah, I lasted 17 seconds into this video. HAHA!

I am positive that people don't communicate the good and the bad. No one ever did that to me, so why would they do that to other people?

It is nice to be reaching an age where people are finally admitting that having kids is not all it's cracked up to be.

I've also noticed more people asking me about my choice, which is great. They actually want to hear what I have to say about the process and haven't attacked me! Maybe sites like this are working!

sol123 said...

Hi! I love your blog, I'm a fierce CF!
Btw, I didn't find this vid cute, at all, they're just two toddlers repeating eachother, what's so cute about that? I just watched 10 seconds of it and I was already bored! LOL!

Lady K said...

ever done a google search for "i wish i had kids" ?

most of the results are things like "ever wish you'd never had kids? or "things i wish i had done before i had kids" or "things i wish i knew before i had kids"

interesting!!!

strawberrysaturday said...

At what point did this video start getting cute? I didn't reach that part! Dani: I wanted to say thank you to YOU. I sincerely wish there were more parents (or rather, people in general) who were as supportive of other people's choices as you are. Too many people think their choice should be everyone else's and have trouble seeing things from a different perspective. I really commend you on being so supportive of your sister. She should know that whether or not she decides to have children, the chances of regretting her choice are equal.

Ellie said...

Oh. My. God. I'd go crazy if I had to listen to that all day. Wow. No wonder those "I hate being a mom" threads are overflowing.

brettc said...

One of the worst videos I've ever seen. People say they're "talking" to each other, but I disagree. They're babies and they make baby noises. They can't talk yet.

To go along with the it's all worth it lie, my brother recently told me that his month old kid is the best thing that's ever happened to him. I'm going to check with him in about 18 years and see if he still feels the same way.

Amy Guskin said...

Aw, rats, the video has been removed. I missed it!

Temujin said...

Reply to Dani:

It sounds to me like you've doing a good job so far. Sounds like you've been a great sister, actually. Strawberrysaturday said it very well.

Also, it's good to be aware of doing things that may come across as pressure, but don't beat yourself up over it. Speak from your own perspective, let your sister speak from her perspective, and it's all good.

No one here is the official ambassador for CF people (I just started posting a month ago!), but I think you'll find you'll be most welcome here.

NoniWork said...

I saw this on some Dateline-esque show. I thought it was pretty cute, honestly. It got annoying when the show started replaying the clips over and over with their unfunny captions. I can't stand when news shows try to be funny.