Get to Work, You Hungover Hedonist!

If you're a childfree person and have had the pleasure of reading my Top 100 Reasons Not to Have Kids (and Remain Childfree), hopefully you've found much validation and vindication in that list. Everyone blabs on and on about why you should have kids, right? Well MY list blabs on and on about why you shouldn't have kids and why you should keep your life just as it is. Let me tell you my friends, as long as that list is, it took me all of about 30 minutes to create. One after another, the reasons to be childfree just tumbled out of me at such a speed that my fingers on the keyboard couldn't keep pace with my thoughts. I got to about number 85 before I even paused.

All of the reasons on that list are true and valid, but some are more clear cut black-and-white than others. For example number 94: "Your boss will appreciate having a reliable employee who works her full hours, calls out sick only rarely, can work overtime if needed, and take on special projects. You might even get a raise, or get promoted."

As a childfree employee, this benefit has been my direct experience many times over. My bosses have always appreciated my reliability and dedication to my job, my promptness, my energy, focus and flexibility to do what it takes to get the job done - even if that means coming in early, staying late or adjusting my schedule in other ways. My work ethic has led to several promotions over the years and now I am a boss. There is no doubt my quality as an employee is directly tied to my childfree lifestyle. Whereas my childed co-workers (and now that I am a boss, my staff) are calling out constantly - either because their kids are sick, or because they have once again caught an illness from their kid, leaving early because of this problem, that crisis, this doctor's appointment, that phone call from the child's school, flitting around the office with stacks of baby pictures wasting everyone's time with boring, long-winded baby stories, I am steadfastly stationed at my desk, taking care of business and getting the job done. While the moms in the office are taking 3 months off for maternity leave, leaving everyone high and dry, and then returning to work (unwillingly, only because they have to) with bags under their eyes and with half the work ethic, energy, focus and attention span they had before, I am reliably here, every work day with the same consistent focus and work ethic I've always had.

Well, apparently there is a vocal mom who takes the complete opposite viewpoint about childfree employees. CF Vixen, with the comment, "You HAVE to blog on this one - this woman is insane!", forwarded me an article by a person named Carol Sarler entitled Why Bosses are Right to Distrust Women who Don't Want Children who takes the viewpoint that childfree working women are self-centered, time-wasting slugs. A warning before you read this: be prepared for your head to explode.

Among other things, this mother asserts that:

1. Women who opt not to have children are weird, cold, calculating, sad and mad.

2. Childfree women are "single-track careerists" who lack "an essential humanity" and accordingly are refused jobs and denied promotions.

3. Mothers are great workers who bring something extra to the job. They are so adept at multi-tasking from all those superhuman feats they accomplish at home, like cooking, dressing and caring for their kids, this makes them extra competent, able and responsible on the job. By contrast, childfree people are staying out late at night (you know, leading that hedonistic, partying lifestyle we are all known to lead) and coming into work late with hangovers.

4. Working mothers who miss time from work RARELY fail to make up the time.

5. While childfree women employees are busy "competing for the attentions of the male executives", conducting office "bitch-fests" and hanging around the office wasting time, the tireless and saintly worker bee mothers are busy doing actual work so that they can keep shoes on their poor children's feet (as opposed to the selfish childfree women who only have to worry about putting shoes on their own feet).

6. Working moms - simply by nature of being mothers - are (here we go again) selfless, compassionate, generous, committed, loyal and hard workers (implying, of course, that childfree women are not) and what employer doesn't want those traits in an employee!?

7. Children make a woman complete and women who choose not to have them should be pitied for their weirdness.

8. Hurray for the employers who have finally caught on to the truth of what wonderful workers moms are and what self-centered, lazy slogs childfree workers are!

Readers, let the comments commence.