Sunday, April 7, 2013
Whose wedding is this anyway?
Yesterday, my mom and I were having lunch and she was telling me about her friend Rosemarie whose son is getting married. I asked how the wedding plans were coming and she told me things were coming along pretty well, although she said Rosemarie, and one of her other kids, are upset because children are not going to be allowed at the wedding and this means that her grandchildren will not be able to attend.
My mom told me that Rosemarie is not sure how to handle the situation - whether she should have a "talk" with her future daughter-in-law or what. I could tell that my mom was in agreement with Rosemarie that of course children should be allowed at the wedding, and that she felt the bride was being unreasonable and selfish to forbid kids from the affair. In fact, she suggested that one of the grandchildren could even play a piano piece at the affair and wouldn't that be nice. At this point, I reminded my mom that OUR wedding was adults-only (she didn't remember that) and I do not blame people at all for wanting a sophisticated adult affair without kids running around, screaming and detracting all the attention from the happy couple. I told her a wedding is the couple's day and they should plan it in the way that works best for them. And if that means they don't want kids at their wedding, than so be it!
I think it threw my mom off that I took this viewpoint because she assumed that everyone (including me) would be in agreement that it is wrong to forbid children from weddings.
I think too many couples bend over backwards to make their wedding celebration an affair for their guests instead for themselves - inviting people they'd rather not invite, selecting a song list of songs they don't really like, allowing children when they'd rather it be an adult affair, choosing a menu to suit their guests' preferences instead of their own, continuing silly (and sometimes sexist and outdated) traditions just because people expect them (god forbid a bouquet is not thrown, or a chicken dance is not danced or a bride walks herself down the aisle. The world might end).
When my hubby and I got married, our wedding was a pure expression of who we are. We axed several wedding traditions that didn't feel right to us, and added some new ones. We selected the food and songs we liked the best - and we did not allow children. And guess what? We - and our guests - had the blast of the century. Our guests fed off our joy and the wedding turned out to be one of the most uplifting and joyous we have ever been to. And the children were not missed - as evidenced by the fact that my mom doesn't even remember that we didn't allow them at our wedding.