Hey Scaredy Cat

One of my readers, N, forwarded me an article about a phobia that seems to be gaining steam - tocophobia - the fear of childbirth. According to British reports, 1 in 6 women now have this fear.

I found it quite telling that fear of childbirth is a labeled as a "harrowing condition" according to the British Journal of Psychiatry.

I don't know about you, but to me, it seems completely rational for a woman to have a pronounced fear of a traumatic event that causes extreme and prolonged pain, can involve possible slicing and dicing of her most private body parts, total loss of control over bodily functions, permanent undesirable body changes, and in some cases death. Given this, it would seem to me that not fearing childbirth would be indicative of some type of psychological disorder that should raise concern, but what do I know?

Once again, the choice to not bear children is pathologized and treated as a type of sickness, whereas the choice to undergo the traumatic and possibly life-threatening experience of childbirth is held up as the standard of good psychological health.

N eloquently expressed her disdain in her email to me:

"I saw it as a way to pathologize a woman's life choice that doesn't go along with the societal norm. It reminds me of when they would give promiscuous women lobotomies for their behavioral 'problems.'

That's the part that really irritates me - the idea of the desire for children as the ONLY normal feeling we're allowed to have about children and child birth. Of course, a male can be hesitant or scared or not welcoming of a pregnancy, and that's cute how he's trying to hold onto his freedom (how many romantic comedies have you seen where the girl has to 'raise' the male lead to be an adult?), but for a woman it's always been 'unnatural' to feel that way, and now, it's a disorder.

I just wish women were allowed to make decisions about their own body without the entire world having an opinion on if it's right or wrong or not."

N hit the nail on the head. Men who fear becoming fathers are given a "tsk tsk" (i.e. boys will be boys) and not much more, whereas women who fear childbirth are pathologized, their "disorder" slapped with a credible-sounding label while concerned professionals race to undertake research to discern the root causes of the pathology. Was she abused as a child? Is she "Type A"? Is she a perfectionist? Does she suffer from higher levels of anxiety and depression than normal childbearing women? There must be some explanation.

Yes, researchers, there is an explanation. Childbirth is horrible. It is traumatic. It is incredibly painful. It is scary. It can go on for hours and hours. It is disgusting. It feels like your body is being torn in half. It can be dangerous and permanently disfiguring. This is from the mouths of moms - you know, those paragons of solid psychological health that are held up as the standard for the rest of us. If moms tell us childbirth is all these things, why should a woman not fear and go to all lengths to avoid it?

Let's also not forget that childbirth is essentially the explusion of an inner-body parasite into the world where he will become an outer-body parasite for at least 18 years - usually many more. That alone is a very rational reason to fear and avoid childbirth.