Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Mommies Found My List (and they aren't too happy with me)


Suddenly I got a rash of comments to my most popular post, The Top 100 Reasons Not to Have Kids (and Remain Childfree) and the comments were from mommies. So I went to Site Meter to find out where they are all coming from and looks like there's a whole thread on a site called "Just Mommies" dedicated to ripping me a new one. The mommies are none to happy with my "pathetic", "selfish" self. How dare I criticize the glorious mommy life!

(I think they're just mad because someone is finally telling the truth about motherhood instead of promoting the myths they all fell prey to).

56 comments:

M said...

I found most of that thread mildly amusing but laughed really hard at this: "when a woman becomes a mother she also becomes a better person". When read in conjunction with other posts it is simply hilarious!

Amy Guskin said...

Holy crow, a psychologist could have a field day with some of those answers (not to mention some of those screen names — I'd love to ask "wishing4number5someday" how you can give sufficient attention to each child's needs when you have that many!)! Did you note how many responses boiled down to "Yes, that list is entirely true, but...babies lovey kissy-face slurpy mommy poopy diapers = LOVE!!!"? Quite interesting.

Dogsledder said...

All that anger. It appears that they are trying to convince themselves of their decisions, not us. More proof that the anger arises when they realize that having children is a choice, not an inevitabilty, or something that just happens to you.

GordonGartrell'sMuse said...

While these women groan and moo about your list (which is awesome and totally accurate, btw) who's minding their kids? It never ceases to amaze me how people who claim that their lives are so full and fulfilled by their child(ren) find time and energy to get on teh interwebz and cry about someone else choosing to be childfree.

I couldn't believe the number of "I don't care what she says! Hmph!" posts on that site. If they really didn't care they wouldn't have even bothered to open the link, let alone read the list and respond to it. Me thinks the ladies doth protest too much...

Anne Marie said...

They're all just mad that they are stuck for the next 18+ years and are jealous of us who realized we had a choice BEFORE it was too late.

Christy said...

It must be so heartbreaking to be jealous of someone else, and to know you can never be like them. I could become a mom any day, in a dumpster behind the 7-11 or in an economy car in some mall parking lot, but they can never become cf and do all the fun, exciting, creative, challenging, interesting things that I can! I feel like my possibilities are endless. I am saddened that they were not smart enough to realize they were being fed a line. Pay attention next time, ladies and gentlemen! If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

OctoberSkye24 said...

What is amusing to me is the complinsult they always do.
"Good for you for being childfree...
(wait for it)
you'd be a horrible mother!"

Honestly, I think I'd make a kick-ass mother. However, I don't NEED to be a mother to validate my existence/be happy. So, I've made the choice that I see has less risk and fewer downsides.

Anyway, I've just scanned that thread. I don't think I can go any further. The ignorance magnitude is off-the-charts. It's that S-word, ya know. Because wanting a mini-you, that loves you unconditionally (read: NEEDS), that will all but force your husband to stay with you, in a world that needs less people, not more, is just putting them in line for sainthood.

DDuo said...

Their reactions are hilarious!

I especially love that forum's levels associated with how many post a mommy makes. Oh, how I dream of being a "Platinum Supermommy"...NOT! *BARF*

ShrinkingSheep said...

I think what ticked me off was the whole "they don't know what they're missing" and "the blog writer must just be bitter 'cause she can't have kids for some reason!"

How egotistical can you be? And if they have to get so worked up and upset over a personal list that highlights the reasons childfreedom makes Mandy happy, they must really be desperate to justify their decisions to have kids. Motherhood is not necessary to have a special bond, like "look what I did! I'm totally magical and you're just jealous!" Sounds very self-obsessed to me.

Christine said...

If blogger had a "Like" button like Facebook did, I would "like" this entry!!

Amy Guskin said...

One more thing that really made me laugh: the poster who explained that she and her husband weren't doing that well when they first got married, but when they had kids and thus HAD TO stay together because of them, that made their marriage super strong! I dunno, to me, the idea of being permanently shackled to someone who isn't a very good partner for you doesn't sound that great.

Mary said...

I would love to organize a CF spam-pain to hit up the moomy websites. I don't troll the internet and leave nasty comments on parenting sites about how I don't want to spend my best years covered in someone else's fecal matter - I feel sorry for all the mombies that are so unhappy with their lives, they have to come on CF websites and hate at us, because otherwise they'd have to face up to their own sadness and patheticness! I think we should set up an autoresponse to momtroll comments to a link a Canadian pharmaceutical company that sells antidepressants. "Don't worry, honey, after your four births, your husband already has an account here for Viagra in case he has to come near you!"

Wix said...

I don't understand how any parent ever even finds things like your site. It's not like it crops up at random, you pretty much have to be searching for "reasons not to have kids" or "childree", etc.

------------------

"oh whoever wrote this has no idea what life is about."

Yes, because clearly having babies until the species goes extinct is the only thing life could possibly be about.

I've seen some venomous stuff on the internet in my days, but nowhere have I seen the extent and depth of hate that I see when parent sites/journalist try to talk about the CF movement. The thread that's trolling your blog is a prime example

Furthermore they often smugly say "it's a good thing you didn't have children", but the real tragedy is that they did have them are are setting an terrible example of how to behave as an adult.

Laura said...

I'm a mom who has followed your blog for a little while. I frequently disagree with you, but I don't see the point in getting on a Childfree blog and commenting my disagreements.

I find that Childfilled and Childfree people paint one another with really really broad brushes. Childfilled people assume that Childfree people can't really be happy as is (which is rubbish) but Childfree persons make the same mistake. Take for example your 100 reasons not to have kids. I'm the mother of 2 children, and everything on the list (barring the unknown future) applies to me, with the exception of #61. Hubby and I have managed to make it work having both fulfilling lives of our own, and children who are nutured and loved. We're all happy, but a lot of childfree people would have a hard time getting that due to preconceived notions. Childfilled folks do the exact same thing in assuming a childfree person could not possibly actually be fulfilled. Following your calling in life fulfills you...sometimes that includes children, sometimes not.

Basically what I'm saying is that I'm happy as a mother. You're happy not being a mother. So what's the big deal? I have childfree and childfilled friends, and it saddens me that there's not more friendliness between the two groups. Some people have pets, some don't. Some people are brown, others white. Some are jewish, others christian. Some people have children, some don't. Why would any of these differences preclude friendship?

du said...

Some of us spent years arm deep in shit and have a distended vagina...and others don't. WHATEVER LAUUUUURA.

Kristine said...

The only reason these parents can have children at all is due to the fact that Childfree people keep the rest of society together for them while the parents turn inward.

In the meantime, parents today have reproduced like rabbits and consented because of it to work for the Corporate Man like dogs, and don't see the irony of helping to undo all the benefits that we fought for (an eight-hour work day, union representation that means something, health care, a healthy separation between adulthood and childhood, rational and unspoilt children). All they are doing is undermining their children's future, but do they see that? No. They are too fucking selfish to see themselves for what they are.

And don't get me started on the fact that people who "love children" often don't like, and cannot relate in a mature manner to, adults. This is because they cannot enjoy a relationship in which there is equality. Children are easier to control.

They are what they accuse us of being.

Feathery Stigma said...

To all those Mommies who crap on about the gooey moments of love with their kids I have only one thing to say - get back to me when they're teenagers ;-) They'll have sucked you dry by then and be blaming you for everything they don't like about their lives...

Bliss said...

Someone on an online community of which I had been a member for nearly 10 years started a topic about being childfree. I linked to your list. As a result, I was called terrible names (the moderater said that the childfree were "odious"!) and made to feel so awful that I was compelled to leave the boards. All because of a link.

What I Watched Last Night said...

The thing I have to wonder about the woman who posted that being a mom makes you a better person is how does she explain all the cases of children out there that end up being beaten or molested by a parent?

It doesn't make everyone better at all.

GordonGartrell'sMuse said...

Amy Guskin said...

"One more thing that really made me laugh: the poster who explained that she and her husband weren't doing that well when they first got married, but when they had kids and thus HAD TO stay together because of them, that made their marriage super strong! I dunno, to me, the idea of being permanently shackled to someone who isn't a very good partner for you doesn't sound that great."

It doesn't sound great to me either, Amy, but I'm guessing that's because neither of us have ever sprinkled sugar on a pile of horse s*** and pretended it's a plate of brownies, which is basically what this woman seems to be doing.

It seems that quite a bit of the "enjoyment" this particular group of women get from parenting hinges on their ability to eat horse brownies on a regular basis; like you pointed out in your first comment, for them a lot of the things on Mandy's list really were things they couldn't do as well/ at all since becoming parents. They don't seem to be able to manage the cognitive dissonance Mandy's list brings up for them so their solution is to lash out. Sad, really...

931dm said...

Laura - Get outta here with all that reasonableness and tolerance! Don't you know this is teh interwebz, where everyone is as disrespectful of other viewpoints as humanly possible and people react with the aplomb of bedwetting children? ;)

Seriously, I think it's less MOMMYs vs. CFs as JerrySpringerHopefuls vs. SanePeople. Some web sites out there attract the dreck of the internet and others tend towards an educated and respectful user base. Never the twixt should meet? I think so.

Dogsledder said...

Laura said:
" I don't see the point in getting on a Childfree blog and commenting my disagreements."

Umm....Never mind.

Laura said...

931dm -- LOL I think you're right! :D

M said...

What I Watched Last Night said..."The thing I have to wonder about the woman who posted that being a mom makes you a better person is how does she explain all the cases of children out there that end up being beaten or molested by a parent?"


It's quite simple actually. Just imagine those parents BEFORE having children. They would make Genghis Khan green from envy. "Better" does not necessarily mean "good", n'est-ce pas? :D

Melissa (A Gracious Calm) said...

Well for what it's worth, I really like your blog and I've found that a lot of "mommies" aren't people I'd like to know to begin with.

BCAinNC said...

Re: The "kids cause depression" thing: Without going in to too much about what I do for a living, I'll just say that I am constantly reading/reviewing medical records. I'm currently working on a project that involves OB/GYN record review and found it curious that at least 95% of women with children in 5 practices are on some form of anti-depressant. Coincidence? I think not.

khh1138 said...

Oh Amy Guskin,of "Yes, that list is entirely true, but...babies lovey kissy-face slurpy mommy poopy diapers = LOVE!!!"...

I admire you and want to write like you!

and anyways, I love this site and all you guys. Thanks for keeping me sane so many days of the week this week. The in-laws have been laying the baby-crazyness pretty damn thick. It's the holidays, you know.

Feathery Stigma said...

Wow BCAinNC, that is a scary (but not surprising) statistic! I'd love to know how childfree women compare...

Stephanie said...

I absolutely HATE how comments (and apparently even entire threads now) get made to talk about the childfree. I get so much flack for what I write on being childfree, however I'm NEVER going to go to a mommy and tell her all about how awesome my life is. I won't bother reading her posts to make my comments. I find it strange that they would bother to read your posts just to make their comments. I think it must be a terribly lonely life to read that which doesn't apply to you and then bash it extensively. Strange concept to me.

Meems said...

That thread is actually how I found this blog. I'm not a member there, nor am I a mommy, but I found it pretty amusing and this blog is awesome, so you've gotten a new reader out of the whole silly mommies on a rampage thread.

I love your blog.

Phoena said...

If someone made a list that said, "The Top 100 Reasons To Go To Law School" I wouldn't start foaming at the mouth and run back to my favorite website and get all my friends to shriek about how FAR SUPERIOR we are to anyone who went to law school is.

How is this topic any different? Oh yea, Mommies suffer from massive amounts of insecurity. If they were confident and happy in their choices, they wouldn't be so threatened by any other viewpoint.

Seriously, if someone wrote the top 100 reasons to have a bunch of babies, I likely wouldn't even read it because I wouldn't find it interesting. It wouldn't even cross my mind to think "ZOMG! CALL THE NICENESS POLICE AND HAVE THIS LIST TAKEN DOWN!! THE LIST IS INSULTING ME AND MY LIFE CHOICES!!!" But then, I'm NOT rampantly insecure.

Lili B said...

How embarrassing...

I belong to that site and saw that particular thread after it was locked and was shocked!

Lol that list was totally true and super funny... I'm not quite sure why so many were offended?

I'm pregnant with my 1st child, and the realities of parenthood are closing in haha... I wouldn't have it any other way, but I definitely don't think I'm a better person bc I want to be a mom?

Yeah, what a turn off from my little forum...

And PLEASE believe me, not all mommies are that delusional haha...

Best wishes ;)

Dave said...

If the ratio of correct use of grammar in these comments as compared to the comments in the 'Just Mommies' thread is any indication......I think it's a fair conclusion that the less intelligent are the ones doing the breeding.

Maybe becoming a mommy somehow makes them a better person, but it's apparently at the cost of a few brain cells.

TLO said...

I peeked at a couple of basically unintelligible comments on the thread, and am laughing heartily... And really, TMI, "Mega Mommies", about how your "DH" loves "pregnant sex." NO one appreciates that disclosure.
I am not saying that ALL mothers are the same or that all CF folks are, either. I don't like to make sweeping generalizations about anyone. However, the "just mommies" on that site need to find a hobby. Clearly, motherhood isn't taking up enough of their time. ;)

Internal Knowings said...

@ Dave

It isn't even about grammar its about assumption. They assume because they do what every female mammal does on the planet, they
are somehow bathed in divine goodness.

Its about leaving work early because ''baby'' is sick or has a ball game or some nonsense, its about my tax money paying for their choice.

Its about the glass ceiling that women intentionally put upon themselves and then complain about it.

Basically, it boils down to, they made their choices and someone else should not have to pay for it.

PS.. I am a woman

Lady K said...

DogSledder: if you put your emotions aside and actually read Laura's post, you'll see that she didn't disagree with anything other than the general intolerance coming from both groups of people.

For a long time I was very vocal about being childfree, and very frustrated by the amount of anger and resentment that I encountered. And then...I got over it. And guess what, now I don't encounter any of that because I don't look for it in places it doesn't exist.

Laura's post doesn't contain any intolerance of childfreedom at all - if you feel that it does, it's probably a reflection of your own negative judgements coming back to you.

Sooner or later you just realise that it isn't worth the energy.

Laura: childfilled is a new term that I haven't seen before. I kind of like it.

So now we have:
Childed
Childfilled
Childless
Childfree
and each with their own unique meaning.

Dogsledder said...

I respectfully disagree Lady K.
Laura said:
" I frequently disagree with you,"
This was the term that directly preceded her statement that she didn't see any point in coming on a childfree blog and "commenting her disagreements"
She then goes on to state that
" everything on the list (barring the unknown future) applies to me, with the exception of #61"
Taking exception to something infers disagreement.
There was little emotion involved in my assessment. Only critical thinking and my admittedly pedantic reading comprehension skills. IMO, Laura's posts appears conciliatory and friendly on the surface, but condecension lurks just below the surface.

Fanboy Wife said...

I’m sorry that you have a group of irate people insulting your blog on their forum. (I’ve had this happen before too!) Don’t take it personally because some of those people who are angry may not have the time or cognitive abilities to understand why this blog exists. Instead of getting on with their busy lives, they have to stew and get other people riled up as well.

Out of all the parents I know, I can only think of two who never complain about parenthood. One woman always says, “I love my kids,” and, “I have great kids!” It’s too bad I don’t hear more parents start conversations about their children like that. Most people I know complain. Both of these people remained independent human who are fun to be around and can carry conversations.

Childfreeeee said...

Fanboy, I don't take the comments personally, although there were some comments I rejected and did not publish because they were blatantly disrespectful and combative.

Frankly, I find the mommy comments on their forum entertaining (and useful for my blog) because they illumuniate precisely the pronatalism and prejudice that I am commenting on in my blog. Because the internet afford anonymity, we get to see the blatant, unfiltered prejudice in all its glory, instead of subverted as we sometimes see in our day to day lives with people we actually see in person.

If it makes them feel better to attack me, call me a horrible person or whatever, that's fine - whatever helps them get through the day. In the end, my list of 100 reasons strikes a chord because it speaks TRUTH and we all know that sometimes the truth hurts.

marmite and jam said...

OBVIOUSLY, we have some ladies who feel the need to justify. The thing that scares me the most is how their judging is going to influence the way their children think.

Temujin said...

I tried to look past the angry mommy-site knee-jerk reactions to the list, because they aren't really constructive. I'm not sure what the point of venting all that rage is -- the angrier you get the more right you are? Someone says something that offends you so that something must be wrong?

I know none of the blogs I read would ever put up with angry ranting.... :-)

In addition to the ranting, I saw quite a few sensible conclusions. Like, if you don't want kids or don't think parenthood would be good for you, it's probably best you not be a parent. And, you should only have kids if you've thought about it and you want it and you're ready for it. And, having kids may be a good decision for some people and a bad decision for others. If only everyone, childfree or not, could accept just those little bits of sense, society would be much better off.

VertigoVirgo said...

I can understand your view point on not wanting to have children, not all people are meant to have them, and some that do have them should not have been given the blessing to grow and cultivate another life. I am 30 and do not yet have children, I work in retail and totally understand how seeing snotty nosed brats whose parents don't parent but let the children run them can pale in comparison to running off for a weekends in Paris child free ,just you and your man without having to worry about getting someone to watch the babies. But with all that said, I do want children, I haven't fallen prey to any myths or been jaded about parenthood, there are MANY things I don't look forward too and can only hope aren't true, and then there are things I do look forward to, nothing wrong with this. I want to attend the next World Cup sans children (but I hope to have at least one by then). I read and article in Elle UK a while back about how American women make their lives about their children and how silly it is...and I totally agree! American Mommies (and I am American, love my country so don't get it twisted) let their lives revolve around their children, yoga and starbucks...it's ridiculous. Having children does not have to mean coming to the end of ones self. Most of my friends have children and they have completed Masters Degrees, started their own businesses, Manage law firms, and move across the country to pursue careers etc. all because they believe that your children are an extension of you, NOT YOU altogether, and they do what you will have them do, and when they don't...you correct it. People are too afraid to correct because Dr. Spock said it's wrong, and now with all the C.P.S you even look at a kid cross eyed you end up in jail, or someone wants to sue you. But I say hands up to the women who could give a sh** about C.P.S and don't believe in sparing the rod. Now, I will say ,no, I don't think it's right to say that women are bamboozled into having children, after all, if women stopped having them, future generations of child free women would fail to exists, am I right? We should be given the respect to know that this is what is in our hearts and our divine right to do without criticism, but also Mommies should respect that not everything is about their children, i.e. put your kids in the play room at the gym, know what you want to order at Starbucks before getting up to the counter because your on the phone talking about your daughters prom dress, pop that hand that smacks you in front of other annoyed adults out of temper tantrum for not getting a piece of candy etc. and most times, outside of your own circle of friends, family and those pining for children, no one cares you have them...and letting your life be ALL about your children is, for lack of a better word, retarded. I think we should both, pro-mommies and no-mommies,cut each other some slack...their are pro's and con's to both sides depending on who you talk too. As for me, I want babies, boys even, but when I have them, is when I have them...I'm in no particular rush, I have plans and ideas and love just talking to my boyfriend while in bed in the morning, just us, but one day I don't look forward to a couple sunshine faces.

hey1982 said...

Good on you for the '100 reasons not to have children' post.
I found it a few weeks ago and I am so happy to find that there are others out there who feel exactly the way I do.
I find it hilarious others aren't happy with your post and you know why?
You have exposed the truth about motherhood.
I am a mother of one and they are an age where they are almost in high school and I cannot tell you how much I am enjoying my freedom now...of course it's not total freedom and I love my son...but I have struggled big time with being a mum and every single 100 points that you made are absolutely TRUE!
I'll never have another child.
Life's too short.

hey1982 said...

As a mum I can tell you it sucks 95% of the time. I had one child very young and WILL NOT be doing it again despite the constant reminders from every woman I see that I should I ask them why...they say 'because when your older you'll be lonely'!! Even my mum told me to have another because 'SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO'.
UNBELIEVABLE.
If I get women asking me my opinion now about what I think they should do -have/not have kids....I am completely honest now.
It's time more women put thought into it before they have children. Live you own life.

Julie said...

I have just read most of your blog posts and comments, too and I am surprised of how much things are the same, in all countries. As for me, I am Romanian. In my country, people have dozens of kids, especially gipsy people. They have no money at all, they cannot provide for their children, they don't even send them to school sometimes. Most of them are left at home with their grandparents, while the so-called parents go to work in other countries. Still, these are the people who tell me, too, to have a kid.

I don't know a mother who is happy. I have recently met a woman, mother of 2 children. She cannot speak, have a conversation. She keeps asking me what I do for fun, as she does nothing to have fun. Her marriage is lost, she is unhappy, but still, she keeps telling children are the best thing that happened to her.

I think it's good to speak out loud and convince people at least to think twice before doing this. As for me, I don't want to have kids. I am already far too suffocated with prejudices. In my country, women are seen as cookers, providers, some of them are victims of domestic violence and they do nothing to protect their rights. They don't even know they have these rights. So reading this is great for me, even though it's written in English and I can't find this kind of articles in my own country.

Thank you and sorry for my possible bad English. I've just posted this because I wanted to show all those non-believers what a great thing is to know you have the freedom to choose. As I said, most of the women around here don't even seem to know that. Arguing about it is quite a big step forward.

Jerod Keevican said...

Being what amounts to a happy father, I guess my only explanation would be that when someone perceives an attack on what makes them happy, they respond with, "ZOMG SHE'S AN EVIL WITCH, MUST PUSH MY POINT OF VIEW ON HER!!!" It's really silly when you boil it down. I know plenty of people who are happy with kids. I also know plenty of people who are happy without kids. And now that I have had a chance to read more posts on this blog, I find it to be insightful and humorous. I also like reading mommy blogs, but for entirely different reasons. Namely because I need to fill my stupid quota for the day.

Keep writing what you believe!

happy&childfree said...

I read the Mommies page and I find it hilarious that the mommies find it necessary to justify why we want to be child-free, number 1, we are jealous of people who have kids, really? 2 - if we don't want to have kids, we should not have kids because it's better for all. scoff. I understand the idea of being respectful on both sides, but being a mom is not the best contribution to the world as written by the author. I agree with her 100%. I love the fact that child-free means "unloveable" or "undesirable".

Thank you for this site.

bagelmolester said...

That's a great pissed-off photo at the top, but these mouth-breathing mommies who are mocking your list would NEVER dress that well. I'll have to find you a photo of a blotchy-faced woman in a ponytail and stained sweatshirt.

Nulligravida said...

Someone should point out to the enraged mummy mafia that many CF women are actually grateful for mummie-shrews like them. It just indicates that there are probably even MORE neglected and sex-starved daddies out there to choose from when one needs a quick and meaningless hot shag...and aren't they are just so welcome with gifts and fancy meals in return for the attention of a woman who does not have baby spit in her hair, a real waist and no "wizard sleeves".

A Bell Through The Night said...

OctoberSkye24 said:
What is amusing to me is the complinsult they always do.
"Good for you for being childfree...
(wait for it)
you'd be a horrible mother!"

I never understood this. I don't see how being extremely judgmental, completely irrational and rejecting other people's individual point of views makes them a good mother either. And for them to tell me whether I should or should not have children, based on some comments of mine they've read and never actually knowing me at all, does not make them a better person.

TLO said:
And really, TMI, "Mega Mommies", about how your "DH" loves "pregnant sex." NO one appreciates that disclosure.

The only reason the husband likes pregnant sex is because, for once, she's not able to lie on her back the whole time. He actually gets to do something other than missionary. Plus the fact that pregnancy apparently makes women super horny so the men are trying to enjoy it while they can because they know that once the baby is born, that shit will be locked down like Fort Knox! You have to practically bribe your wife/girlfriend to have sex with you because she's always "too tired" or you might "wake the baby" or whatever other excuse she can muster up.

Temujin said...

In response to Bell through the Night:

I'm sure there are men who find pregnant women particularly sexy. Read Dan Savage's columns and you'll find people excited by everything imaginable. Those men probably aren't _all_ faking or lying.

I would add, though, that there is a LOT of incentive for a pregnant woman's partner to SAY that he finds her particularly sexy even if he does not. It is the most politically shrewd thing to say if he doesn't want to look like a total jerk.

Many men are somewhat squeamish about sex during pregnancy because in a sense there's a baby right there in bed with you, and that's hard for some men to get over. A midwife I know refers to this as "poking fun at the kid."

Kate said...

I found this mothers comment interesting: "The most important....that special bond that forms right after delivery when you see that little face and body who has been kicking you and causing you miseries during pregnancy...and looking at them and knowing that the world has endless possibilities for them."
Yes, "endless possibilities" are available to her children - lets just hope they choose parenting if they want her approval. Ironically it is the choice that will severely limit all other possibilities.
I also liked the angry mother that said the poster of the 100 reasons list deserved to have a child!

Temujin said...

I know few mothers who did NOT bond with their newborns. It took them months, if not years, to develop a maternal bond. This happens all the time. Bonding is not an automatic, universal response, as we can see with all the cases of PPD out there.

It’s odd that there would be such an angry response to the list, if these mothers were secure and confident in their choices.

I mean, what are the pro-parenthood people so worked up about? If we childfree people are such a tiny minority, and we have stupid reasons for being childfree, and we are obviously unnatural, twisted monsters, then there’s nothing for them to worry about. We would never be able to convert anyone to our obviously hopeless way of life. Why not just let us weirdos die off eventually? Let us spout off our crazy theories in peace.

Unless they’re worried that we will seduce the younger generation with our ingenious propaganda. If a lot of unsuspecting people might fall for our devious arguments, then what does that suggest about how their parents raised them?

starspringsf said...

Anytime something so obvious, so honestly written comes along, it is going to challenge your views on things. Anyone with kids who looks at this list and thinks its all black or white misses the point. Whatever stance you take, there are some very REAL benefits to remaining childless. I don't see any good reasons for having kids other than to have someone who MIGHT-if everything goes right-you don't have to pay to help with the funeral. And even then there are no guarantees. Being childfree means I have more choices(and can spend my life focusing on my artwork). That, and I don't have to worry about my kids turning out as some nutty right wing ideologue. that is worse than any death sentence-spawning a giant asshole?.

dessima st.clair said...

its amazing how those mothers refuse to admit the truth which your list speaks of.a happy mom will nod her head and say,"yep. all true,but its a sacrifice i was willing to undergo." but instead,their reaction speak for itself.

Parviz Nazarbayev said...

Dear Mandy,

I have to say that the list you made is so true. I completely agree with it and the childfree life has been appealing to me since I was 16. I told my parents that I don't want to be a dad because I don't like children and because I grew up without my real father; and they say that there is something wrong with me and I will change my mind. Three years later and I still have not changed my mind about it. What should I tell them? Send your answer to me at duchessisis@aol.com; PS. Those mommies are too out of shape to do anything to you and you shouldn't pay them any mind.