Sunday, October 11, 2009

Father Puts Kids up for Sale

Not really. He's a blogger dad who's just venting and being funny, but you know the humor comes from the fact that it's all true. It almost reads like The 101 Reasons Not to Have Kids. Here you go:

For Sale

Thanks to SwissBarb for forwarding this to me.

10 comments:

CFVixen said...

Hilarious! And oh so true!

Bed. Made. Lie.

HawkMom said...

That's funny. The Kim-Beth-Christine triangle was pretty rawr-tastic, too. I love being a mother and all, but telling somebody they "just don't understand" or they "don't deserve to understand"? WOW.

My deepest apologies on behalf of mothers everywhere for those of you who have been treated that way.

Michi said...

Oh my. I've been feeling crappy all morning and this was hilarious to read! Thanks for posting the link.

The Kim-Beth-Christine ping-pong was hilarious as well. Love how Kim's accusing the childfree posters of not getting the humor of the post "because they just don't understand" when she clearly doesn't understand that someone saying "that's why I don't have kids" isn't the same as "that's why NO ONE should have kids." Is it just me or does that reaction reek of defensiveness?

Sea_creature said...

Go read his October 12 post where he fights back, complete with bingoes and pictures of his happy lil' famleee. *eyeroll*

Childfreeeee said...

Ah, yes - no surprise. He was of course being entertaining in his original post (albeit truthful, as we know), but his recent protest reminds me of what always happens when you catch parents bitching about their kids...complaining bitterly about their kids and about how their lives suck and the second you say, "man, I am glad I don't have kids" (which seems like a perfectly natural response to such expressions of horror), the immediate backpeddling begins and the recitation of all the wonders of parenthood, how it's the most important job in the world, how they wouldn't choose any other life, how the little "I Love Yous" make it all worthwhile, how we couldn't possibly understand all we are missing. I can almost recite it word-for-word...it's such a cliche. I think there's some kind of parenthood guide out there filled with pro-parenthood proclamations that everyone who has kids is required to memorize.

Ms. Christine said...

Oh wow. Ha ha! I actually am the Christine of the Kim-Beth-Christine triangle, as it's being called. I've never been part of a triangle before. :-P I forgot about that comment I posted. Let me see what's ensued since!

Sea_creature said...

Haha! So very true... I actually made a comment over there. It was fun to write. Check it out!

"Just can't take the fact that we actually derive pleasure from things OTHER than raising a mini-me, huh? You guys are pretty thick. Over and over again, we toss these stupid arguments back and forth.

Look, we are seriously outnumbered here. Give us a break and go enjoy the life YOU chose. It's a fine life if that's what YOU want. We're just doing what people do best, especially the overwhelmed. We're defending ours choices just as you are. But you must understand that we are OVERWHELMED by parents' unavoidable presence. Day in and day out, dodging your "cute" little contributions.

Imagine a world full of people who owned large parrots instead of having a traditional family. You know, the thing with the pretty rainbow feathers sitting miserably in that round cage. The thing that is very pretty to look at and put on your little one's shoulder for a quick picture while on vacation. These guys are LOUD and MESSY. Parrots are notoriously difficult to keep happy in captivity. Unfortunately, man decided to do what he does best to the animal kingdom and nab these beautiful creatures to exploit.

So you're one of the few parents in the world of bird people. They're everywhere... In line at the bank, at the fast food place, at the grocery store shitting in the carts, flying out in front of your car, SCREECHING in your ears. Imagine being one of the few who hated these things. Or at least didn't have the patience, time, money, facilities, or INTEREST in caring for one. But so many people around you have one. "How can you POSSIBLy hate these wonderful, intelligent animals? You mean, you're NOT going to get a parrot? Well why in the hell not?! They're GREAT! They're SO WORTH IT!

I think you'd need a group of your own to commiserate with, too. So getcher damn panties out of your asses and get on with your lives!"

Hehehehehe! Thanks for the great blog, you kick ass!

Sea_creature said...

Ooops, I think I might have included some of what I'd posted on my little 'ol rant board. Yeaa...uhm... You can erase that part.

Gail said...

I love the parrot analogy!

jilren said...

Funny also, mostly the friends and family that seem the most stressed, the most worn out, the most kid-riddled and ratty, are the ones that keep trying to convince me to have some.

I have a few friends who just love the Mommie thing, (although, it must be mentioned that they mostly have babies,or one baby, in that adorable can't-get-around-yet, stationary cooing phase, not a Speedy Gonzalez toddler intent on throwing anything smaller than a grapefruit down the toilet, or a diva of a seven year old who wants a padded glitter push up bra...)

But those (sadly, rather few) contented, happy Mommies seem to get what I am saying right away and sort of shrug and go: "Oh, well, then you probably shouldn't have them." And move on without being self righteous and sanctimonious about it.

The most happy of my Mommie friends actually talk about parenting very little. I ask, they show a few snaps, a cute story... and then we talk about other stuff.

Why is it that the more miserable and vocal the parent...generally the more insistent they are in trying to convince me to give up my happy CF life? Aren't you my friend? Why lie to me? I wouldn't steer MY friends to something I myself am starting to recognize as impending doom.

I would warn YOU about a lemon of a car, a crappy job position, a shitty potential boyfriend, a hideous vacation rental. I would try to convince you to save yourself, to dodge the bullet. That's what friends DO... right?

(I mean, people I don't know very well do this bitch and back-peddle too...but usually to earn a full throttle, red faced rant about the misery of parenthood you have to be on more than acquaintance terms. Usually. )

Anyone else notice this? I hear about misery loving company all of the time, but I really am starting to notice it...

(singsong voice) "JEALOUS..."