Hate Being a Mom - Part 2

As CF Vixen pointed out to me, the "Hate Being a Mom" thread on the Secret Confessions web site (from which I have posted quotes before), is still going strong with mothers coming out of the woodwork in droves to complain about how much it sucks to be a mom.

Check out this post from a poster named Natalie who must have spent at least two hours detailing the drudgery of a mom's existence.

"Listen, I will be totally honest with you:

The main reason being a mother is difficult is because of all the expectations, pressure and myths out there.

Our grandmothers or great-grandmothers didn’t worry about their careers, preschool or emotional scars, organic foods, vaccinations or getting their kids into exclusive schools the way we do.

And our mothers were aware of Dr. Spock and Dr. Sears, but otherwise were OK with “old school” methods, such as expecting kids to only speak if spoken to, do as they are told, do their chores, fear the belt or the whupping, and being forced to sit at the table until they finished their meal, etc. They also usually had more help and were not expected to work full or part-time.

Nowadays, mothers have to do EVERYTHING and do it the RIGHT WAY.

We are expected to get a full education.

We must have a career or at least a decent job.

We are supposed to look like supermodels and be thin/fit at all costs.

We are expected to have easy pregnancies and recover quickly afterwards.

We endure the most humiliating exams and questioning during and after pregnancy.

We push a baby out of our vajayjay or have it pulled out of a c-section, both of which are brutal and nearly impossible to endure.

We are supposed to feed our families home-made organic, local food; with meals featuring the healthiest options we know of (except, this changes constantly – low carb, low cholesterol, vegetarian, vegan, raw, high protein, low fat, low salt, whole foods, 6 small meals a day, no snacks, no dairy, no peanuts, no…I’m exhausted thinking about it.)

We are supposed to be frugal and thrifty yet have beautiful clothes, homes, cars and go on nice vacations to Disneyland and Yosemite.

We are supposed to be dynamite in bed, but also get up and take care of everyone. Sleep deprivation is a badge of honor.

We are supposed to care for our parents and other family members who are ailing or broke.

We must have the right insurances: health, car, life, home; and retirement funds and investments.

We have to be creative and fun, throw fabulous dinner parties (thanks, Martha Stewart) and adorable kids events, and still make every meal special.

We must teach our young children to achieve, and excel, and speak Mandarin.

We have to dress our kids in trendy, high-end clothes and they must look groomed and clean at all times.

We have to take them to chiropractors, naturopaths, dentists, orthodontists, doctors, therapists, counselors, etc.

Our kids should be playing sports, taking instrument lessons, performing in plays and musicals and we need to make those things happen.

We hand-feed our babies/toddlers for a year or so. Every. Single. Bite.

Our husbands want our full attention and the playful gal they fell in love with.

We have to coordinate all family activities, buy all the presents, and plan everything.

We have to take care of the finances, pay all the bills, deal with all the utility guys and nowadays cell phones, internet service, netflix, etc.

We have to manage the house: rent or mortgage, landscaping and yard work, hiring handymen or coordinating services.

We do all the budgeting, using strategic methods involving coupons and looking for specials.

We have to stock up the house and make sure everything is in working order (appliances, printers, alarm clocks, etc.)

We do the majority of the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, ironing (though that’s rare nowadays) and we drop off/pick up drycleaning.

We are the primary nurturers.

We groom our infants/toddlers/preschoolers/kids: baths, dental care, haircare, manicures and pedicures, etc.

We deal with issues like lice and bed bug scares.

We nurse and pump (up to 12 hours throughout a day). The first few months we don’t sleep more than a couple of hours at time between feedings. This is grueling and nearly torturous. It also hurts a lot at first.

We get up at night with the infant, the toddler, the preschooler, the gradeschooler and stay up late waiting for the highschooler and the college kid home for the summer.

We chauffer everyone around.

We hire, vet and manage the help: housekeepers, nannys, babysitters, cooks, nurses, tutors, gardeners, etc.

We help with most schoolwork and projects.

We take the kids to soccer matches and sew costumes and bake stuff for bake sales.
We volunteer at events and spend time at PTA meetings.

We change most of the diapers (10,000 is the average count) and potty train the toddlers (which can take years).

We collect the recycling and the trash and nag to get it taken out.

We email, text, call and IM our spouses and kids repeatedly to make sure appointments, meetings and events are attended, and tasks and reminders are clear.

We shop for all the toys and educational materials and clothes and sports equipment and costumes.

We bake the birthday cakes and cook the holiday meals.

We decorate the house and set up the festivities.

We make sure everyone is healthy and safe.

We read articles, books, and blogs, and converse with other moms, doctors, our families, friends, neighbors, teachers, advisors, colleagues and acquaintances and then do the research to make sure we are doing the very best we can for our family’s health, happiness, education, financial well-being and success.

We get the car cleaned inside and out and schedule the oil changes and tune-ups.
We fill up the diaper bag and make sure we have all the supplies we need at home, on the road and when traveling: diapers, wipes, pads, formula, milk, juice, fruit, diaper balm, bathsoap, Qtips, medicine, toiletries, paper goods, etc.

We make sure we have all the crucial protective gear: hats, gloves, sunglasses, sunscreen, bug spray, netting, rain shields, boots, coats, etc.

We change the filters, batteries, light bulbs, etc.

We remind everyone about birthdays and holidays.

We arrange vacations (hotels, airfare, rentals, etc.)

We take care of everyone when they are sick. This means snot patrol, taking temperatures, researching conditions and calling doctors, taking everyone to the doctor as needed, getting prescriptions and managing them, making soup and forcing liquids, entertaining, and doing extra cleaning and laundry.

We monitor what our kids are doing, watching, listening to, and who they are spending time with.

We do what we can to avoid fighting with our spouses and prevent straying.

We set up playdates for our little ones and endure hundreds and hundreds of hours running after them or managing them at parks, museums, play areas, preschool, gyms, playfields, Chuck. E. Cheeses, kids concerts, carnivals, street fairs, kid-friendly restaurants, kid’s bookstore sections, libraries, beaches, etc.

We have mind-numbing conversations about our kids and other kids. We spend time with parents we don’t like and children we don’t warm up to.

We see, hear and experience some really gross stuff.

We re-read the same 3 kid’s books for years at a time. We listen to the same grating childrens’ songs and programs for about 5 years solid.

We teach our kids to walk, talk, eat, groom, read, dress and manage their emotions.

We get kicked, scratched and our ears are blown out from endless hysterical tantrums.

We change the bedding thousands of times, and prepare thousands of untouched meals.
We wipe up and pick up and sweep and mop and wipe down and scrub and gather stuff up so often that we think we may go crazy.

We pick up toys and clothes and things so often it seems ludicrous to even bother.

We have to childproof the house and car and yard and anywhere we go with our little ones, and then cope with the obstacles, often avoiding doing something because unlocking some cabinet is nearly impossible.

We learn CPR and other survival techniques and label everything in a frantic attempt to prevent dangerous things from happening.

We choose the best vitamins, medicines and medical equipment and store and manage everything properly.

We keep records of everyone’s medical and dental histories and vaccinations.

We process the mail and file everything and prepare the taxes.

We cut coupons, articles and ideas out from magazines or print them out for meals, events and activities.

We do almost ALL the shopping: food, toiletries, household items, supplies, etc. and we put it all away.

We keep the fridge clean and fresh, tossing away old food.

We read up on kids nutrition and shop/cook the best we can to sneak veggies into them.

We create a library for our kids and read to them as often as we can.

We set up art supplies, arts and crafts and activities to keep them occupied, learning and from getting bored.

We clean up major messes: markers on the wall, milk on the rug, overflowing toilets, peanut butter in hair, blowouts, etc.

We clean the house: sanitize the bathroom, wash the kitchen floors, scrub the sink and stovetop, etc.

We buy videos and look for educational programming and fret that the kids are watching too much Sesame Street and Saturday morning cartoons.

We prepare everything we need to take our kids out in public and then try to control them when they inevitably lose it.

We research and buy the cribs, beds, strollers, carseats, swings, play yards and the stuff that goes with them (sheets, cupholders, safety mats, etc.) We get our spouses to help put them all together if we are lucky.

We buy clothes and shoes endlessly. We sort mini socks for 5 years straight.

We go through everything and sell whatever we don’t use any longer or store it or give it away on an ongoing basis.

We worry about the worst things: abduction, molestation, major accidents, etc.
We look to experts to guide us in disciplining our children and do all we can to avoid mistakes.

We must be fully involved in our kids’ development, social lives, recreation and school careers, in order to guide them and avoid terrifying realities such as drug and alcohol addiction, as well as teen pregnancy, illness and accidents, etc.
We feel guilt, despair, and frustration 99% of the time.

We take thousands of photos, videos and keep blogs and create holiday cards and printouts for friends and family.

We arrange visits from family and friends and cope with the inevitable distances. Our support networks have diminished significantly.

We endure incredible pain: pregnancy, childbirth, post-childbirth recovery, breastfeeding, severe sleep deprivation, emotional upheaval, fear and anxiety, the horror of accidents and birth defects, serious relationship issues, recovering our bodies, and hormones gone wild.

Some of the more daunting issues we may deal with include – god forbid – serious damage to our kids during childbirth or from accidents, the (can barely write this) death of our children, mental and emotional disorders, learning disabilities, illness such as cancer or meningitis, autism, retardation, etc. These can be LIFELONG and unbelievably overwhelming, life-changing conditions. We are vulnerable and responsible.

We suffer financially from our diminished careers.

We have physical repercussions: some serious, such as scarring, infections, fistula, collapsed pelvises or hysterectomies, and some just hard to cope with: saggy breasts, fallen arches, flabby belly, awful stretchmarks, incontinence, diabetes or thyroid issues.

We cry, yell and scream in the shower. A lot."

The most refreshing thing about this post? No "...BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT" at the end, like we usually get from moms.

Click here to read the original post, or here to start from the beginning to read the whole thread. You may find yourself feeling an array of emotions as you read through the heartbreaking posts, ranging from sadness to utter relief that you avoided the same fate.

If you'd like to read more from regretful parents, click here.