When Child Stars Turn Piggy

Okay, I confess. Once in awhile I get sucked into reality television. This usually happens when I am on the couch, decompressing before my aforementioned nap and randomly flipping through the 200 channels of cable wasteland, desperately trying to find anything that remotely doesn't suck.

So yesterday, I was flipping and I came across a reality show starring Scott Baio. It's called Scott Baio is 45 and Single. Chachi all grown up!? That cute little thing?! Okay, okay, I got sucked in. Well, my excitement over sweet little Chachi didn't last long. He's still a cutie (on the outside at least), but I was dismayed to discover what a pig of a man Scott Baio has become. He's slept with (from what it sounds) hundreds of women and cheated on every woman he has ever had a serious relationship with (he talks about this openly in the show - in fact, the show revolves around his fear of marriage and commitment). Numerous times throughout the show he talks about women like slabs of meat, referring to their breasts as "racks". When he goes to a matchmaker and she asks him what he's looking for in a woman, his response is "blonde, nice ass, nice rack"... I guess personality, character and intelligence don't count for much as long as a woman looks like Pam Anderson. Not surprisingly, the friends who hang around with Scott on the show are pigs too (hey, they say you are who you associate with).

It's obvious where the show is leading the viewer. It's the classic coming of age story. They're going to turn the pig into a wholesome family man and we're all going to get warm and fuzzy watching the transformation of our adorable Chachi as he overcomes his pigdom and gets married. Oh, joy.

As the show goes on, and he begins to settle down with someone (who, not surpringly is blonde with a nice ass and "rack"), they start showing previews of season 2 and guess what it's called? Scott Baio is 45 and Pregnant. Pregnant!????!! Did I miss something? Did some medical miracle happen that allows men to get pregnant?

Anyway, of course this would be the logical next step - having a baby. This is what all filandering men who devalue and objectify women, cheat on their partners, are uneasy around children (during one scene he visits a day care center and is visibly discombobulated) and find it impossible to commit should aspire to! We need more fathers cut from this mold, setting the example for future generations. Are you freaking kidding me? First of all, with all respect to any filanderers who may be reading this, I am of the firm opinion that once a cheater, always a cheater and some people are simply not meant to get married. Scott obviously has deep-seated issues that have formed him into the person he is and it's clear as day that once a few years go by and the rack and ass on his Pambo look-alike start heading south and her blond tresses start to turn gray, he's out the door. And where does that leave the children?

This is my point. There are many people (like Scott) who are not family material. They are not fit get married, let alone have children, and yet our culture pushes the idea that everyone should get married and have kids - that everyone is fit to have kids - that getting married and having kids will magically transform even the slimiest snake into a wholesome family person - that getting married and having children makes one a better person. And people like Scott Baio and every other unthinking sap buy into it. It's a lie. Pigs don't turn into Prince Charming no matter how many matchmakers, therapists and life coaches they consult with. Women - even blonde ones with nice asses and racks - who marry pigs are doomed to eventually being treated like pigs themselves - yes, even by our cute little Chachi. Most importantly, contrary to the pronatalist messages of our culture, personal character and childrearing are not mutually exclusive. I can attest to this personally.