I was talking yesterday with a pregnant co-worker who I like very much. Although she's pregnant, she is totally sympathetic to the cause of childfree people and completely respects our lifestyle choice. We were talking about having (or not having) kids and she was telling me that up until recently, she wasn't sure she wanted to have kids. She was always ambivalent about it at best.
She admitted that her decision to have a child came completely out of fear of regret. She added, "and I came to realize that it wouldn't be enough for it to be just me and my husband - there would always be an empty spot".
Ah, the mythical "empty spot". It's been around forever - this fuzzy, romantic notion that a cute and cuddly baby will bring unity and completeness to a marriage. I have never understood this. I know lots of people with kids and from what I have seen, rather than fill an empty spot, children create a void between the husband and wife. Two people who were once close now become ships passing in the night when children enter the relationship. Time that was once devoted to each other is now diverted to a new, dependent and demanding third party. I cannot imagine having a marriage that I felt was so lacking that a third party must be brought in to save it from its deficiency.
I really can't understand it either! These women always feel like they are "empty" until they have a child. I feel bad for them that they are a) unable to make themselves happy without creating a new human being, and b) were born feeling like they were incomplete.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think they are just too uncreative to find anything else to do with their lives.
Or, taken one step further, the logic that a third party COULD fill that spot! I was on the phone with a frienemy last month and she went from talking about how she's considering getting divorced to how she's considering having another kid. I didn't say what I was thinking but I think most people are retarded.
ReplyDeleteThere is only ONE guaranteed thing that would ruin me and my girlfriend's solid relationship: Yep, a kid. I live in eternal hope that she will never utter those words: "I want a child", because that would mean the end of everything between us...
ReplyDeleteThis article about a Bollywood couple reminded me of this "empty spot"
ReplyDeletehttp://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-india-38376237
"To have a child now completes us. There is something about a baby that is kind of half mine and half of hers, so, it's a nice feeling."