I've never been a fan of childfree hate speech - that's what I call it, anyway. You know, referring to moms as "moos", or people who have children as "breeders" or calling kids "crotch dumplings" (have to admit, that one does make me laugh, although I wouldn't use it myself). Why don't I like this type of language? I think it diminishes us and fuels the negative stereotypes that persist about the childfree - for example, that we are bitter, angry and resentful people who don't have a life and who are fatally jealous of parents. I imagine outsiders looking at us and thinking, if childfree people are so happy, why are they so busy hurling ugly names around?I am not interested in promoting that (or any other negative) stereotype because for most of us, it's false.
Having said this, I understand the purpose and value of hate speech. It is a vehicle for release and catharsis and lord knows the childfree have plenty to cathart about.
Interestingly, I've gotten several e-mails and comments from people thanking me for not using a hateful tone in this blog. Sadly, it's pretty difficult to find non-hateful childfree sites and blogs - I know, I've looked. They're out there, but you really have to look to find them. Interestingly, I did find a childfree discussion board called Positively Childfree that states outright that it's a no-hate zone. It's home page reads:
"Who are the positively childfree? We are individuals who have something crucial in common: we have made the decision to not become parents. Of course, there are as many different reasons for this decision as there are people who frequent our friendly space on the Internet.
As we watch our friends, relatives and colleagues have children and become preoccupied with the responsibilities and diversions that accompany this experience, we recognize the need to reach out here to other adults who are childfree -- who have the time and the desire to talk about books, travel, pets, gardens, hobbies, careers, headlines...or just the weather. We meet here not to talk about children, parents or parenting, but to relish the fact that we can instead explore other areas of life and develop other interests. Are you ready for a break from talk of baby showers? Looking for a place to meet other adults who might have actually slept 8 hours last night... and are ready to socialize, debate, philosophize and laugh? Are you tired of the negative tones of other childfree message boards?
Please, come join us!"
Sounds like a great place to hang out and mingle with other CFers.
I am glad my blog doesn't come across as hateful because despite the fact that I do a lot of railing in this blog, hateful is not really the way I feel. I don't hate parents. I don't hate children. I don't think people are wrong to have kids, or to want kids. Heck, if nobody wanted kids, humanity would disappear (hm, maybe that's not such a bad thing). My mission isn't to promote the idea that everyone should be childfree.My mission is to promote childfreedom as an attractive and viable lifestyle option, and to dispel the negative and false stereotypes that exist about it, and about childfree individuals.
My mission is also to shine a spotlight on the obsessive and unreasonable pro-child, pro-family, pro-motherhood, pronatalist nature of our culture, the unfairness and imbalance that it creates in our society and the falsehoods it promotes.
For inspiration, I like to think of a super-effective and transformative communicator like Barack Obama, who when confronted with a completely corrupt, dysfunctional, unfair and broken system, somehow illuminates the issues clearly while simultaneously inspiring people through the use of positivity. He is serious, he is intense, he is intelligent and he is no-nonsense, yet he never stoops or belittles himself by resorting to hostility and name-calling.
I hope I can emulate that example. If this blog even impacts one person and encourages her to think for herself and to question every dictate spoon-fed to her, I feel this entire endeavor will be worthwhile. If I can influence the occasional parent who happens upon my blog to recognize the childfree lifestyle as the wonderful option it is, and reduce the prejudice and judgment she feels against those who choose not to parent, I will be thrilled. If I can influence childfree people to stop apologizing for who they are, to stop thinking of themselves as deficient, and to stand up and be proud about their childfreedom, I will truly feel like I have accomplished something. I am tired of looking for other childfree people, only to find them cowered in the corner with their mouths shut.
So how do you feel about childfree hate speech? I am curious to know. I've posted a poll. Look to the right and cast your vote. And of course, as always, comments are welcomed as well.
